#like sometimes it’s good … rarely but it will find you

[playnextdoor]

dating modern abby headcannons

cw: both sfw and nsfw

Abby didn’t know naps could be a luxury until she met you. She was always on her feet, never stopping long enough to close her eyes for a "weak" 30 minutes. But now? That quick nap became her personal slice of heaven. Her cranky, sleep-deprived self would curl up next to you, her face buried in your neck. By the time she woke, she’d be all sunshine, grinning like she hadn’t just been grumbling an hour ago.

Sweet tooth!!!!!!! She loves sweets, especially dark chocolate. If you ever peek into her bedside drawer, you’ll find a nearly demolished chocolate bar waiting for her nightly ritual.

“What?” she says with a shrug, stuffing a square into her mouth. “I like a piece of chocolate before bed,” Her eyebrows furrow as she chews, eyeing you like you’re judging her life choices.

“Nothing,” you chuckle, watching her puffed cheeks work overtime. “I never met anyone who would do that.”

Her arms crossed immediately, mock-offended. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh my god, Abigal, nothing, it’s cute.” You lean in, silencing her pout with a kiss, the faint bitterness of chocolate lingering on her lips.

Abby has a thing for books. Not just reading them—collecting them. We’re talking first editions, special releases, and rare overseas copies. This girl gets down. Her study practially a library, shelves nearly touching the ceiling filled with books, some on display and some in special casings. You even catch her one day, headphones blasting as she carefully and meticulously cleaned some of the books. The music was so opposite to what she was doing, her hands handling the covers so carefully. Instantly wet holyyyyyy

This goes with her being veryyyy clean and organized. It was so cute when you snooped in her drawers, her undergarments folded up so neatly in rows, and her socks in perfect little squares. 

She likes her space, which you understood very early in the relationship. Sometimes, the two of you would be on separate ends of the couch, her playing some game on the TV while you color in your coloring books, or when she would carve out days for the two of you and then days for just her. She loved you dearly, and it was just that she needed the only time to recharge.

Really into speakeasies. It’s her preferred place to grab a drink with you. The dim lighting, quiet atmosphere, and cozy corners make it her ideal date spot. She also likes sitting with you in some dimly lit corner, you more tipsy than her, laughing hysterically at some awful joke she said. If you really wanted to go to a club and shake ass, you bet Abby is going to take you, but she’s just gonna stand behind you like an awkward teenage boy getting grinded on for the first time.

This girl is not big on PDA, sorry not sorry. She’ll hold your hand, wrap her arm around you, maybe a kiss here and there, but she will most likely shy away from anything else, not that she’s embarrassed, she prefers to keep things just for you and her.

Food is Abby’s love language! Loves cooking, loves trying new places, loves eating, period. How else do you think she keeps her physique?

Speaking of muscles, the gym is practically her second home. She’s not a gym rat per se, but she’s got a solid routine, especially when it comes to upper body days. She loves how her arms look in T-shirts, but she loves that you love them even more.

Keys clanked into the trinket dish as Abby slipped off her shoes. Just getting back from the gym, all she is thinking about is going straight to the shower; once wet with sweat, her shirt feels disgusting on her. She sees you eyeing her from the kitchen, occasionally looking up from your phone, eyes lingering on her bulging arms; the pump did her good today because you’re ready to strip naked right there. She flashes a knowing smile as she puts her things away. She strides towards you, coming next to you to place a kiss on your head.

“How was the gym?” turning off your phone to provide her the full attention she most definitely deserved, hand creeping to caress the veins that littered down her forearms all the way up to the hard muscle on her bicep, squeezing it.

Abby just watches you, smile bitten back as you look almost in awe at how fucking massive her arms are, your sweet eyes meeting up to hers.

“Good,” she murmurs, watching your fascination. Her voice drops, low and teasing. “Something on your mind?”

“Mmm,” you hum, nails raking lightly over her back. She groans softly, and you know exactly where this is going.

nsfw

Boobs. Loves boobies. Likes to look at them, have them in her hands, in her mouth. Sure, she appreciates your ass—who wouldn’t? But there’s just something about slipping your nipple into her mouth, especially in those early morning hours. The sensation wakes you in a frenzy, loving how Abby does this for herself. Or when the two are cuddling, she’ll sometimes lay her face in them, the warmth of your scent lulling her to sleep.

Pronebone is her favorite position aside from missionary. Any time and any day, she is tightening the straps and fucking you into the mattress.

Speaking of tightening straps, the first time you did it, Abby nearly came, hips stuttering as she felt the firm tug of your hand tightening one of the straps that sat at her hip. Lord have mercyyy just thinking about how she would just pant above you, her golden hair cascading around your face like a curtain. Her hips moved against yours in a rhythm so devastatingly slow and deliberate hnghhhhhhh

Stone top AT FIRST. She told you right before your first time together, you didn’t mind, genuinely. You have always been on both the receiving and giving end, so you were willing to be open for your girlfriend. And fuck how much it turned you on when Abby would slip a hand in her own pants as she ate you out, nearly heaving into you as you both came. It wasn't until a couple of months into the relationship that you asked.

Grinding down on her jean-clad thigh, the rough seam pressed perfectly against your cunt, drawing out a needy whimper that matched the low groans spilling from Abby’s lips. Her soft “mhm’s” spurred you on, the delicious friction pulling the two of you deeper.

Abby didn’t know what shifted in her—it might have been when you slid to your knees with a slow, deliberate grace, your nails dragging down her thighs. Her body moved instinctively, thighs spreading wide as if something had taken over her.

Or maybe it was when you pressed your cheek near where you needed her the most. Her hand came to caress your head, finding it so endearing how eager you had been all night, your fingers lingering for just a second longer, lips finding solace in her neck as you murmured how bad you needed her. She should have known you were going to beg eventually.

“Abby, please.”

You didn’t even need to elaborate, eyes were locked on the belt still fastened at her waist, the buckle catching the light and taunting you. Her own gaze, glossy and heavy with want, flickered down to meet yours.

Fuck. How could she possibly say no?

She can get rough if you would like, but she prefers to cuddlefuck than to fuck you upside down and sideways.

This goes back to the pronebone position, something you didn’t even know had a name until you tried explaining it to Abby in a very clumsy, very horny way. After that, Abby does it at least once when you guys have sex.

She’ll have your face down, your elbows digging into the bed as she fucked your leaking cunt with two thick fingers. Abby always took her time, kissing up the curve of your ass, her lips soft and warm against your heated skin. When she finally slipped her fingers out, you’d whimper in protest, only for her strong hands to press you further into the bed, spreading you open as her groan mingled with yours. The blanket so warm underneath you, mixing with the weight of her body and hands on you, have you in such a blissful haze.

“Yeah?” Abby asked, her voice low and breathless. You could barely process what she was saying, too lost in the feeling, but you nodded eagerly into the pillow, pushing your ass higher in response.

Chuckling, she sat perched on the backs of your thighs, holding you in place as she made your body tremble with anticipation. Sliding up and down with the tip of her black 6 1/2-inch faux cock it only makes you wiggle around impatiently. With a teasing pinch to your thigh to remind you to relax she finally shifts, pushing its length into you so slow you nearly grab it to put it in yourself. The stretch had your whimpers climbing into desperate, high-pitched cries muffled by the pillows. The pillows do what you need them to do because if you remove them, people will think someone is dying in there. Well, kind of, don't the french say orgasm means "tiny death"? Yeah that was happening.

Prefers if you orgasm first. She claims her own release isn't as satisfying when you don't.

“I dunno, Abby.”

The words escaped in a soft gasp as you abruptly sat up. Abby’s lips popped off your mound, glossy and parted, her wide eyes locking on yours in utter confusion. “I can’t…”

Her brows furrowed, her head tilting slightly as if to ask why in the world you’d stop her now. “Can’t what?” she asked, inching closer like she didn’t plan on letting you go anywhere.

“Cum,” you admitted, pushing her head away gently, though you both knew she wouldn’t take kindly to it.

Sure enough, she shook your hand off and gave you a look that could only be described as determined.

“Stop. Lay your ass down."

Before you could protest, she scoots you closer, which causes you to fall back into the mattress, her lips finding the inside of your thighs, skin slightly tacky from her spit and your slickness.

“No, like actually,” you said again, sitting up despite her best efforts to keep you in place, your legs starting to close instinctively.

Abby pouts, and you can’t help but mimic her expression because this poor girl has been following you around like a lovesick puppy ever since you got home from work, clearly bored and horny, while you were too stressed and tired to even think about anything else. She was all smooth with it, too, claiming she was going to “put you to bed,” but your head was still spinning with thoughts of annoying coworkers and unfinished tasks. You were too far in your own head to focus on the woman between your legs who was clearly trying to help.

Her warm hands found your shoulders, pressing with that unique weight only she carried, her thumbs kneading gently. The gesture softened you immediately.

“We can totally stop, it's just..." Her lips find yours in a gentle yet hungry kiss, her teeth nipping then soothing it with the wet of her tongue. You nearly moaned into her mouth, your body betraying every word you were about to say. “I have been wanting to taste you all fucking day. I know you had a shit day, but please, baby, I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight if you don’t come on my face”

You couldn’t help it; you burst into laughter, and Abby froze, staring at you ???????

“Oh, you’re serious,” you managed between fits of giggles, your eyes watering as you met her utterly unamused glare.

Two minutes of laughing later, Abby had had enough. With a firm nod, she launched herself forward, tackling you onto the bed and pinning you beneath her. Her body weight pressed you into the mattress, her lips hovering over yours, and you could see that look in her eyes that she was really going to put you to bed this time.

a/n: this sucks butt lol but i hope you all enjoy still.

[void-speaks]

🌧"Hm, we don't really have those kind of luxuries nor the necessity for them, so I just dive head in even if its pouring. I do enjoy rain quite a lot. It's refreshing."

🍳"Well, I'm not exactly the best, but I do know how to make the most basic of things. Sigh, I do wish I had the chance to learn how to cook something more cool and interesting, but oh well. Oh, surprisingly enough, I do. I used to hate any and all kind of chores before, but now it's just something you can shut off your mind for and do on autopilot. Mmm, probabaly omelets. No particular reasons, I just think it's neat."

🧼"It's not like we get much of a choice. In this economy, we shower whenever we can. I do enjoy showering, but I haven't gotten many chances to bathe before, so I can't really tell anything. Again, it's a miracle if we find gel in this situation."

❌️"Obviously I would. It does depend on who is telling me what, but just in general, I would. Hmm... Probabaly Crane. He's seen some shit and has a good base of knowledge about the world, more than me and Aiden have."

🏳️‍"Well, it's hard to say right now. I can't really imagine anything that would make me give up, but there's probabaly something. Like, maybe if I was in complete despair? I don't know, hard to say."

📖"Gosh, don't even get me started on books! I really, really love books. I've always loved reading books even as a child. I mostly favored fantasy and detective novels and sometimes romance I suppose. Queer romance specifically because. Well. Guess. I wouldn't say I have a lot of opportunities to read in that sense that new books that I haven't read are a rare thing to find right now."

⛸️"I'm not... too into sports, to be fair. Would parkour count as a sport? Probabaly not right now. Hm... I guess Carnage Hall fights would be considered a sport? In that case, I don't really follow that stuff at all."

😷"I have an average immune system, so I don't get sick too much. Well, 'staying at home' right now isn't exactly an option, however, when I get sick, I tend to not overwhelm myself with chores, but don't stay in bed all day either. Well, medical masks are surprisingly hard to find, and just regular clothing pieces won't do much, so I tend to stay away from people or be very careful around them."

🥼"No, I don't. Hm, what kind of uniform... To be fair, and don't quote me on this, but Renegade uniform looks sick as Hell."

🥂"Huh, I never really thought about it. I guess I just pat myself on the back or don't really acknowledge them at all."

🛴"Parkour. It's probabaly impossible to get around on a bike in this environment, but it would be nice if I could. Traffic rules aren't really a thing right now, so eh."

🕰"Hm... Now that I think about it, we don't do that too much? Or I suppose we just use the sun as our guide most of the time. Or Peacekeeper sirens or church bells if it's in Old Villedor."

🥰"There's many things that can make me... Well, not happy, but bring some kind of positive feelings for sure. As for loved... I don't know how to answer that."

🐇"I don't. I prefer to live in the now and here. Believing in this kind of thing would be an escapism method for me, and I prefer not to do that."

🎺"I'm getting tired of saying it, but there's not much choice we have nowadays. I'm starting to sound like my grandma... I think. But, if I had to chose from all the songs I know, my current choice would be that tape that Aiden showed me recently. I don't know its name, but it goes like... 'Some people cheat, some people sin, but ohhhhh I play to win, tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-u-u-u-u-u,' and so on. Sorry, I'm not the best singer. Mm, no, not really. Never had a chance to learn. Probabaly the violin. I heard it's a difficult instrument, which is one of the things that intrigues me about it."

💽"Yes! I like collecting books, newspapers from the 'old times,' audio tapes and stuff like that. Really to collect information. But especially books. There isn't a particular reason, I just enjoy doing it. Or I suppose the reason would be that I want to know as much as possible about Villedor and its life and how life was for other people in the hot of the apocalypse."

🧋"Tea. By God how much I love tea. Especially black tea with thyme. I can't even explain it, I just do. My second top tea is from a specific brand, but it's also black tea with apple and... and some other berry. I don't know its name in English. Oh, that entirely depends on the season and how I'm feeling. But generally, I lean more towards warm or hot drinks."

🌻 random in-character questions

an ask game where, instead of replying from your perspective, you answer as if it's your original character/muse/self-insert/etc. answering the question ✨

🌧️ "When outside during the rain, do you use a raincoat, an umbrella, or something else? Do you enjoy rain?"

🍳 "Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? What's your favorite thing to cook?"

🧼 "Do you prefer to take a shower during the morning or evening? Do you like taking baths? What's your favorite scent of shower gel?"

❌ "Would you do something that someone told you not to do? Why? Is there someone you'd actually listen to more than everyone else?"

🏳️ "What will make you give up?"

📖 "What kinds of books do you read? Do you have a lot of time to read?"

⛸️ "What's your favorite kind of sport? Do you follow sports closely or don't care at all?"

😷 "How often do you get sick? Do you stay at home when sick or do you end up going outside to, say, get some groceries? If you go outside, would you wear a mask?"

🥼 "Do you have to wear a uniform somewhere? If yes, how do you feel about it? If no, what kind of uniform would you love to wear?"

🥂 "How do you celebrate you accomplishments?"

🛴 "What's your preferred way of getting somewhere - own car, public transport, a bicycle, or something else? How well do you follow the traffic rules?"

🕰️ "What do you use to check what time it is?"

🥰 "What would make you feel happy and loved?"

🐇 "Do you believe in other dimensions?"

🎺 "What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Do you know how to play an instrument, and if not, which one would you want to learn to play?"

💽 "Do you collect anything? Why?"

🧋 "What's your go-to thing to drink? Do you prefer cold or hot drinks?"

[k1mbe3rly]

toxic myung-gi head cannons?🙏 luv me some toxicness

Myung-gi toxic head cannon

warnings: extreme toxic behavior, obsessive behavior, mean myung gi, edging, overstimulation.

(sorry if it’s bad😓😓)

• Myung-gi is the type to most likely go thru your phone when you leave it behind and check everything, photos, recently deleted, and socials

• once he automatically finds something he doesn’t like he goes beyond, he confronts you and makes you explain and if he doesn’t like your explanation he gets a bit aggressive

• Once you pull out “Why are you even going thru my phone without my consent?!” card, he’ll make everything seem like he didn’t do nothing wrong, he accuses you of cheating or hiding something from him

• He would probably bend you over and shove his full length into you as a “punishment” but probably just wants to fuck you.

• He’ll overstimulate as a punishment as well, trying to get every last orgasm out of you at least 5, his thrust are really sloppy since it’s mixed with your juices and cum and his cum.

• If yall are in public and notices your catching up with an “old male friend” he automatically gets so possessive and jealous, he literally stares into the poor guys soul not caring about anything. He even tries to include himself in the conversation. the second he notices him or you being too friendly, he’s quick to drag you away.

• he takes you somewhere private and yells at you, maybe a slight degrading, “You little slut! you just wanted to catch my attention huh? you just wanted to make me jealous!”, and with that your pressed against a wall getting fucked, plunging his cock deep inside you while whispering dirty things into your ear “Is this what you wanted huh? to get me all worked up hm? c’mon. you can tell me the truth.” he says as he keeps thrusting in and out with one hand slightly gripping onto your hips and the other on the wall

• He likes to take control of the relationship and make everything go his way, he wants to make all the decision like what you wear and what you do, and if you don’t listen he starts crashing out, he makes you feel bad and sometimes, RARELY blackmails you and eventually you give in and follow what he wants

• Once he saw you wearing a revealing outfit, he got so pissed and let’s just say you were not able to cum for at least that afternoon, he spends the whole night or day teasing you and fingering you but not once letting you cum at all, which makes you whine and cry out as he gives you a slight slap on the face. “Be grateful i’m even giving you anything. Stop whining or else i’m not gonna let you cum.” he says while pushing your hips down back onto the mattress as he was eating you out.

• But overall he is a good boyfriend just very toxic when he gets jealous and possessive, He does love you a lot and admires you, one of his excuses of being so controlling is, “I’m just worried about you! i really do love you, im looking after you! what don’t you understand about that!”

[demonic0angel]

Just saw your phantom family in uniform art (looks as majestic as usual) can we have some wraith x nightwing?? Just them flirting and kicking ass together <33

(Hell yeah >:D Glad you enjoy it!)

Wraith hummed cheerfully as he sat on the edge of the roof overlooking the alley where Nightwing was pummeling some gang members. He seemed to be in a bad mood with how curt his one-liners were, but he was still ridiculously flamboyant as he flipped and somersaulted to beat people up.

Yes, it would be a good day today.

When he noticed Wraith, he paused before calling out in a snappy tone, “Are you going to sit there all night? Or come down and give me a hand?”

Wraith smirked. Their relationship used to be frosty, with Wraith uncharacteristically reaching out over and over to poke at Nightwing’s buttons, but now it seemed amicable. Sometimes, Nightwing stared at him with an unreadable look that Wraith didn’t know how to react to, but over all, he had fun when he was around him.

“Ohh? Well, what are you going to give me in exchange, little hero? My help isn’t cheap.”

That indecipherable look was back on Nightwing’s face before he said, “I’ll buy you dinner at the new restaurant on XXX street.”

“Hmm… deal.” Wraith did not ask for much. If anyone else asked for his help, he would’ve refused or probably extorted every single penny in their bank accounts before even considering the ask, but Nightwing was not just anybody and he was so pleasant to be around that even when he used to try to drive him away in the beginning, he had still stayed.

Wraith dropped down and blasted an opponent with a weak ray to slam them against the wall. Realizing that Nightwing had a helper, the gang members burst into a run and escaped.

Nightwing watched them as he caught his breath and Wraith turned to look at him. “So? Shall we follow them?”

“Yeah. You can sense them right? And lead us to them?”

Wraith nodded with a sharp smile and Nightwing grinned at him. It made him feel pleasant. In this world full of disgusting humans, only Nightwing and his sisters were people who he liked. (The rating on his brother/younger self was still pending.)

They waited for a few moments, tying up the knocked down criminals for the police to find before Nightwing looked at Wraith with an easy smile. “Ready to sniff ‘em out?”

“Hmph. This’ll be easy. You could’ve brought out a nose-blind cat and they’d still be able to find them in an instant,” Wraith said with a sigh, thinking of the smell of the criminals.

Nightwing laughed though, so all was well.

Wraith then went off to find the escapees. The scent of their souls were uninteresting, unappealing, and even disgusting in their blandness. Their general smell was just nasty. Wraith, however, disliked disappointing Nightwing and so he persisted and led them right to the criminal’s hideout.

“No killing,” Nightwing said absentmindedly, as he took out his escrima sticks. They crackled with energy, lighting up the blue that lined Nightwing’s suit.

Wraith huffed. “Fine. You’re boring.”

“Ohh? If I’m so boring, then let’s make a bet. If I defeat more people than you, then you’ll pay for dessert, alright?” Nightwing smirked. “And I get to order double.”

Wraith perked up with the incentive. “You can’t beat me,” he said, but Nightwing was rarely so playful with him. He seemed to be in a good mood now. “I’ll win.”

“We’ll see,” Nightwing said pleasantly, and then they both kicked down the doors, startling the gang members.

“Crap! It’s Nightwing and Wraith!”

Wraith frowned for a moment, wondering why they seemed to fit together too well, but Nightwing threw himself into the fray and Wraith was quick to follow with a feral grin.

Fighting side by side with Nightwing was an amazing experience. Wraith loved it. It felt better than being alone with only Fright Knight by his side, killing whoever he wanted and terrorizing the masses just because he could. With Nightwing, it was easier to remember how he used to be a hero.

Wraith’s eyes caught the bright blue that flashed out of the corner of his vision, and for a moment, he couldn’t help but think that his sisters would’ve been proud of him for finding such a kind, gentle, and powerful soul.

Yes, it would be another good night with Nightwing.

[kiryoutann]

Before reading, please check series masterlist to read the warning(s), disclaimer, and to make sure you’re on the right chapter. Minors do NOT interact.

If you enjoy this, you can buy me a Ko-fi :) Likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated!

TW: POSSIBLE SUICIDAL INTENT, gore metaphor, self harm (reader scratching herself as a coping mechanism), manipulation.

You remember that time.

You remember that time when Dad looked happy—a nearly foreign sight. For what felt like ages, he had been frowning, dark circles under his eyes, the visible crease on the side of his mouth ever since the constant fights between him and Mother.

But lately, he's been smiling; he's been humming the tune you thought he'd forgotten. You also remember plopping down next to him on the couch, cheeks puffed out, eager to know what had him in such a good mood. "Daddy, what are you smiling about?" you asked then, and yet-

And yet, the moment he heard that, something in his eyes abruptly dimmed, just like it always did whenever Mother walked into the room. You instantly regret speaking up, wishing you had just stayed silent and let him bask in his already rare moment of happiness.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” as Mom used to say. This time, your curiosity will kill Dad. So, you’re never curious again, never dared to ask again.

Dad has been coming home later and later, leaving barely any time for you to spend together. It’s like he’s always working, always busy. Gone are the days of sneaky trips to the ice cream shop or casual strolls through the park. Sometimes, you compare yourself to that old dog the Jenkins had—the one they stopped walking because they lost that love they had when he was still a cute little puppy.

It was as if the unhappiness that had held Dad back had somehow transferred over to Mother.

Lately, the fights between your parents had become increasingly frequent, leading you to shut yourself away in your bedroom and sing loudly just to drown out the noise. Mother would often sigh heavily, slamming the cupboards like she had some kind of grudge against them. The constant frowning had begun to etch deep wrinkles onto her face, and the dark circles under her eyes appeared to grow darker with each passing day. She was even losing her hair—the bathroom sink was a testament to that.

You started to notice strange behaviors from Mother as well. She would constantly check Dad’s phone whenever he was in the bathroom, rummaging through the trash for any stray pieces of paper or receipts, even asking you to check his clothes and bring them to her. Whenever Dad came home, she would confront him, demanding to know why he was home so late.

Everything feels weird. When you try to ask them, they will shut you down, telling you it is a “parents’ problem”—something a child like you shouldn’t know or have any business in.

But their “parents’ problem” quickly becomes yours when you always find yourself lying in bed, desperately trying to drown out another round of their arguing. You even start wishing you could spend more time at your friends' houses just to avoid being at home. Every night, you pray for it to stop.

For this to end. Until it does.

The “parents’ problem” that has been brewing for months finally rears its head when Dad stops coming home altogether. The silence you have grown accustomed to was quickly shattered by the sound of Mother’s hysterical crying, accompanied by the slamming of cabinets and the crashing of plates being thrown across the kitchen. You stop in your tracks, heart pounding as a silhouette emerges.

Mother. She walks toward you, her long hair plastered to her tear-streaked face, and-

And she smelled something like the alcohol Dad used to hide in the fridge. She grips your arms in a tight, almost bruising grip, leaning down to look you straight in the eye.

"I was right, sweetheart. Mommy was right," she whispered, her voice hoarse from all the shouting. "Mommy was right all along." She repeats the phrase over and over, as if you'd eventually grasp its meaning. After all, you were her daughter; you should understand.

But you didn’t. For goodness’ sake, you were just an eight-year-old girl—just enough brains to process why Dad didn’t come to your ballet recital despite his promise, just enough to try to understand why Mother was like this. What was she right about? Was Dad never coming home again? When is he coming back? So many questions, few to no answers. Not enough courage to let them swim to the surface because exactly what Mom said—“Curiosity killed the cat.”

Biting your lip, you ask in a small, fearful voice. “What are we talking about, Mommy?”

Mother took a shaky breath, her eyes so swollen and red from crying that you wondered if she might actually take her last breath right then and there. It makes you wonder if losing the supposed love of her life truly felt like a kind of living death.

“Your father…” she began, her voice barely above a whisper. “Your father, he’s… He’s not coming back, baby.”

Something about her own words brought anger to her face. Mother’s visage contorted into unbridled rage, teeth bared and nose scrunched up. You cry out in pain as she grips your arms tighter.

“He’s not coming back! Your father is with another woman—a WHORE! So don’t you DARE go looking for him, because he’s not coming back!”

At that moment, you didn't know which was scarier—Dad not coming back or Mother's anger. Or the thought that this meant you would be living alone with her. Even so, your lips began to tremble and you began to cry.

The anger that mother had was long-lived. Sometimes, it seemed like it outlasted the love she had once held for your father. Or perhaps, in a twisted way, that anger was just an extension of that love. The wound that mother carried was as deep as her affection had been. Love. Seeing its manifestation through your parents' relationship, it appeared like a despicable thing meant for people on a dark path.

Mother never truly recovered from it.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, even year after year, the anger never left her—it simply transformed into a hollow, empty place where the light once resided. Did Dad take it with him when he went off with that woman—that "whore," as Mother had said?

Still, you suppose it was better than those times when Mother would go out for drinks and come back late or even fail to come fetch you from ballet class. More often than not, it was a friend's mother who ended up dropping you home. Some questions they asked about your mother: "Is she okay?" and “Are you okay?”

That, you never know how to answer. Sure, you're doing fine at school and in your ballet classes—your toes are a little sore sometimes, but your teacher says that’s expected. And it’s not like Dad’s gone forever or dead. He’s still out there, even if he wasn’t coming home. Mom is still here, even if sometimes it feels like she doesn’t really see you.

… What an odd thing to feel, an even weirder thing to complain about. When Mother wasn’t at work, she was always there when you came home. She was easy to find in her room except on nights when she went out drinking and came back late, drowning herself in tears.

And yet, it felt like she wasn’t there at all. Dad left, and Mother was gone.

So, when that question was asked, you would just smile and say you were doing fine, that everything was okay. Yes, it was strange, unsettling, but everything was okay.

At least before you hit your teenage years.

Where did this change come from? Where did this hatred come from? Someone flipped a switch, turning your hollow mother into a bitter, resentful woman even to her own daughter. Slowly but surely, you begin to notice the glares she throws at you—the same ones she sports when talking about other women, as she said, “Look at the way she dresses, like some cheap harlot.”

“Change.” One day, she said, her voice sharp and commanding.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. “What? Change what?”

Mother's eyes narrowed, settling her gaze on your chest, then your stomach—you hold your breath from the burn of her glare. “I said, change. What, you don't see how you look?” She scoffed, shaking her head. “I don't know who gave you the confidence, but it's like you're asking for it.”

The sting of her words spread across your sternum, and you bite your inner cheek to keep yourself from crying. "But you said this looked good the other day."

“Then I said wrong, change.”

“But I like this top,” you protest, but you add a hollow chuckle for good measure, wanting to avoid coming off as defiant. “And it’s the only thing yellow in my closet.”

Mother’s lips thinned into a disapproving line. “You still have that yellow hoodie.”

“But it’s a birthday party! In the summer!”

“That’s too bad. Either you change, or you’re not going.”

Deciding the conversation is over, your mother walks past you. As you feared, she stops, sweeping her critical gaze over your face. The crease between her brows deepens; her lips curl into a sneer.

“And what’s with all that makeup? You’re trying too hard. Tone it down.”

You say nothing, fixating instead on the mild sting of your nails digging crescents into your palms. Don’t cry, don’t cry. Hasn’t this happened before? Why aren’t you used to this yet? The thing about you is that you cry over the same things over and over again, asking questions you already know you don't understand. “Why would Mom say that to me?” echoed in your mind, and yet, the answer remains elusive, so stop asking that!

You flinched as your mother suddenly swiped her fingers across your lips, smearing your carefully applied lipstick. Out of instinct, you quickly swatted her hand away.

“Mom, stop!”

“A lipstick on a pig is still a pig,” she spat, her hatred for you dripping—soaking into your skin and inciting your own blood to boil and burn you from the inside. “No matter how thick that makeup is, you’ll never be like those pretty girls. So stop trying.”

Your breath catches, your throat tightens. Mother finally walks past you, leaving you to “self-reflect,” expecting you to be on your right side of the brain after. To change your clothes, remove that makeup. “A lipstick on a pig is still a pig,” she says. Your lips quiver; the headache doubles.

Which one you loathe the most, you can't even say for sure. This tube top or the color. Your blush or your lipstick. You and your tendency to persist when you should stop—that you're ugly, a pig, and you'll never be those pretty girls.

You will never be those pretty girls.

You will never be...

Her.

Hayley. You couldn't help yourself from poring over the name on Facebook after hours of scouring for a hint of who she is and what's so special about her. And from what you can tell, she was everything you're not. With her big, bright blue eyes framed by dark, mascara-laden lashes, her light blonde hair, and that perfectly sun-kissed skin. Not to mention she has a figure that just fits right – a body a girl would die for. Hayley's life is balanced between her rising career and her enjoyment, as evidenced by several uploaded holiday photos in Southeast Asia, in places like Bali, Koh Rong, Phuket, Kuala Lumpur, Chiang Mai, and Singapore. She has a good relationship with her parents—both her biological ones and her stepparents. She has a golden retriever named Barney.

You knew enough to understand that she was the type of girl who frequented the clubs, not the quiet pubs where Simon and she met. The only reason she was even there was because of her dark-haired friend, who was now tipping her head back to finish another shot glass.

Are you stalking her? Yes, you suppose you are—there’s no point in denying it when you’re sitting at a bar, watching the social butterfly laugh with her equally beautiful friends. But you’re maintaining your distance, aren’t you? You’re not doing this because you’re a pervert (not that this justifies anything, you're aware)—you just need to know about her, to confirm something.

(Curiosity killed the cat.)

Hayley laughed again, her head thrown back, golden hair cascading down her back. The way her eyes crinkled at the corners, the way her glossy lips parted to reveal a perfect set of teeth. She and her group of friends looked like they were engaged in some kind of game, and as the loser, Hayley stood up and made her way to the bar. You looked up, pretending to sip at the drink you ordered earlier, appearing casual.

“Four Margaritas, love.” Hayley requested of the bartender, who responded with a nod to acknowledge her order over the din.

The man left his post to get something from the backroom. There wasn't much to do in the bar besides tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the shiny bar surface. Hayley swept a bored glance around: the strobe lights, the DJ booth and the drunk people dancing around it, the crowded booths at the ends of the room, and more drunk people.

Then, her eyes landed on you. Something ignited in those cerulean irises.

A confident smile played on her lips. “Hi there,” she said to you, voice sweet like honey. "Mind if I join you?"

For a moment, your brain stops thinking—completely caught off guard. Hayley doesn’t wait for your response, already sliding into the seat next to you. She widens her smile, the apples of her cheeks lifting fascinatingly. This was not how you envisioned this encounter going at all.

“I’m Hayley, by the way.” She gives you her name that you’ve known before she even knew you existed. You can’t help but wonder if she said the same thing to Simon that night, if he bore into her blue eyes like you do now.

You managed a small, nervous smile. In response, you provided your name, and Hayley tried it on her plump lips. Up close, she was even more stunning—her flawless skin, perfect makeup base, the way the low lighting cast shadows across her face. How was it possible that someone could be so effortlessly gorgeous? What's more, she didn't just seem kind; she also appeared humble and genuine—the type of beautiful girl who didn’t flaunt her good genes or think she was better than everyone else.

Still, despite all that, your dislike for her continues to grow. It’s almost unfair that she gives you nothing but kindness and you try to find her flaws, something that you hope will mar her perfection.

“Are you here all on your own?” Hayley asks again, to which you nod.

Despite already knowing she didn't come alone, you ask anyway, "You?"

“Me?” Hayley glance over her shoulder towards her table. “I’m here with a few friends. Say, love, why don’t you join us? It gets a bit boring sitting on your own, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, I’m… I’m kind of not used to such large groups,” you say, only to realize how lame it sounded. The poorly constructed excuse lays out the contradiction more clearly, like a lie written on a billboard. If you’re really the awkward, socially withdrawn weirdo you paint yourself to be, what are you even doing in one of the most crowded places in town?

Yet, Hayley didn't seem to judge you. The raised brow indicated that she thought it was strange, but her lips quirked up in a small smile, as if she found you… interesting.

“That's alright, darling. But you wouldn't mind a bit if I stayed here with you, would you?”

“Not at all.”

Hayley smiled, fishing her phone out of her purse. “Well, I was supposed to grab the next round for the girls, but I’ll just text them to grab the drinks. I reckon they can manage without me for a little while.” She opened her texting app, her manicured fingers making little tapping sounds as she typed.

Soon enough, a dark-haired woman approached the bar. Hayley greeted her friend, introducing her to you and you to her. The other woman smiled and nodded, but not wasting more time before saying goodbye to you and taking the drinks to their table. And just like that, you were alone with Hayley once again.

It makes you wonder why she even bothers to spend time with you—a complete stranger she just met. Is she always like this—always approaching and engaging with people she knows little about? Is that why she approached Simon the other day?

You grip your glass, soaking your fingers from the condensation around it. A temporary distraction from the memories that flash through your mind.

“Sooo, you seeing anyone at the moment?”

When that bold question came out of Hayley’s mouth, you came to a conclusion about her. It was clear that she was the type of woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. The type to pop the question out before dealing with the answer—and whatever it is, she actually has the guts to deal with it. What other people think or feel about her does not define her, and that speaks volumes about the kind of person she is.

It also speaks to the kind of person you are.

Inevitably your thoughts drift to Simon. Shaking your head, you answer her question. “No, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.”

Then, you take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. “And what about you? You’re not married, are you?”

Hayley laughs at that, wiggling her ringless fingers. “No ring on.”

“Not with anyone?”

An amused smile was etched on her face. “Don’t you worry, love. I’m a free bird, through and through.” She said as she leaned closer to you, the intoxicating blend of floral and citrus notes entering your olfactory. “Why? Got somethin' fun on your mind?”

At this close proximity, you could almost feel the warmth of her breath upon your cupid's bow. Up close, her physical details came into sharper focus—the freckles that peppered her nose, her deep-set eyes, a small mole sitting above the rosy pink of her lips, and the way her lip gloss glistened under the dim, hazy club lights.

And her lips. The ones that touched Simon’s.

The agony coursed through you, pumping in sync with each beat of your heart, spreading into the farthest reaches of your body. Poison in your blood. Thoughts raced in a frenzied, feral way that defied logic and reason. You wondered what it must have felt like for Simon. Had her kisses been soft and sweet, the kind that made him melt? Or were they passionate and hungry, with him nibbling and biting at her flesh?

Memories of that night are recalled to your mind, the image of their bodies pressed together coming with absolute clarity. The way he tilts his head to deepen the kiss, the way she hooks her legs around him.

Before you can register what you’re doing, you close the remaining space between you and Hayley, crashing your lips against hers in a kiss that’s almost daring. But it’s desperation that fuels you—your desperation to find any trace of him in her mouth, across her palate, beneath her tongue. You wonder if she can taste it, the bitterness of you. But when she kisses you back, more roughly and greedily, you find the answer.

Around you, the deafening music continues to play, the flashing lights like a kaleidoscope that twists and turns. Your olfactory senses register the strong smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke, and tears well up in the corners of your eyes. It reminds you of him—everything reminds you of him. Simon is everywhere but here. Even as you kiss another, it’s him you expect instead. You can’t help but wonder if it was the same for him that night—did he think of you as he sank deep inside of her?

When the kiss was broken, Hayley was about to smile at you before something faded it. A fat tear ran down your cheek. She furrowed her brows in concern.

“Hey, are you alright?” She asked, her accent growing thicker with worry. “Did I do something wrong? Go too far, perhaps?”

Hayley’s soft hands reached up, wiping away the salty liquid from your cheeks. You bit your bottom lip to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape. “N-no, it’s nothing,” you stuttered, voice barely above a whisper as you erased your own tears with the back of your hand.

Swallowing hard, your vision blurs again. “I’m sorry,” you mumble. “I need to... I need to go.”

Without another word, you turned and fled, ignoring Hayley calling your name. Pushing your way through the throngs of people, you made a beeline for the exit. The air in your lungs seemingly thinning, and your throat tightening. You switched to breathing through your mouth, as it was becoming increasingly difficult. A taxi approached, slowing down when you waved at it.

Two hours had passed since you fled the club, two hours spent waiting in suspense until, finally, the vehicle's headlights flickered to life, followed by the beeping sound indicating someone unlocked it. You remained silent, hearing the footsteps getting louder before you slowly rose to your feet, turning to face the person who had emerged.

“Simon.”

The owner of the name stood frozen in his tracks. The dim lighting of the streetlights only added to your difficulty in obscuring whatever expression he was sporting, but you didn't miss the way his shoulders tensed, his hands clenched tightly at his sides.

For a solid two minutes, his name was the only word spoken between the two of you. It wasn't like you were generous enough to offer him time to fully process the situation—no, it was more because you wanted to see how Simon Riley would react, how Simon Riley would deal with the unexpected.

You caught the way his mask slightly shifted—he clenched his jaw. “How?”

Instead of answering, you take a stuttering breath, feeling invisible needles piercing through your chest. “I forgot something in your car.” You tell him.

Simon's frown deepened, his head tilting slightly as he seemed to contemplate your words. It was absurd—after all these weeks, here you are, standing in front of his apartment, having somehow discovered the address, and claiming to have forgotten something in his car.

But he doesn't say anything, just continues to make his way to the car. You follow closely behind him. He opens the door to the passenger seat, then steps aside to let you check the car. You stretch your hand under the passenger seat, blindly feeling for anything, brushing through the dust and small gravel collected there until you finally touch something cold and metallic.

Pulling it out, the phone you had planted there weeks earlier came into view. You knew this meant Simon had laid his eyes on it too. It wouldn’t take long for him to connect the dots and figure out you had been tracking him this whole time.

Fucking hell. Simon remembered what he had said about modern phones. He closed the car door with a sharp click, then turned to you.

“So you’ve been followin’ me, then?”

“You didn't return my texts,” you stated bluntly.

"I asked you a question." He growls, almost like he's threatening you.

You observed the anger brewing in the depths of his dark eyes, radiating from him like a hot flame. Good, you thought silently. At least there was something that riled him up; otherwise, you would be suffering alone while he goes to fuck any willing bodies he can get his hands on.

"Why didn't you call me?" You ask again. “Why does it say your number is no longer in service? Why didn't you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” he snap, voice dripping with venom. “You think I owe you an explanation?”

Your blurry vision missed a flicker of change in his expression. When the tears escaped and the world came into focus again, all you saw was Simon locking his jaw, irritation radiating from him. He turned and began to walk away.

You followed him, quickening your pace to catch up. “Simon! Simon, wait!”

Despite your best efforts, he continues to keep his back turned to you, refusing to even spare you a glance. He fixed his gaze straight ahead, seemingly hell-bent on creating a vast gulf between you. You called out his name once more, your voice echoing in the stillness of the night, but he kept right on walking.

“Yes, I deserve an explanation! I don’t know why you’re being like this. We were fine the last time we were together. What happened? Why did you just disappear on me?”

You reached out, your fingers brushing against the sleeve of his jacket to get him to stop and face you. He came to a halt. A jolt of electricity surged through you as he encircled your fingers with his own, but it soon faded as he let go of your grip on the leather. Something inside you dropped away, leaving a shameful hollow space inside.

Simon towers over you, his stature imposing and intimidating. He locks a hard glare on you. “I asked you a question, didn't I?” His voice fell to a dangerously low tone. “Why the fuck have you been following me?”

The dam holding back your tears broke, leaving you choking on your own sobs. How could he not know? All these tears, all these cries… how could he still fail to see that it was all for him? To be stripped bare only for him to overlook it. Should you skin yourself alive then? To tear your heart out, to hold the raw, bleeding organ in the palm of your trembling hand as an offering?

“Because I want to know where you are,” You settle for the simpler version, hyperventilating as you take a breath. “You know my place, my workplace... You even went to my cousin’s wedding. And yet, I know nothing about you, Simon. Nothing.”

“You think just ‘cause we fucked a few times, that gives you the right to pry into my life?”

A sharp pang of pain shot through your chest. The world was ruby-colored, either from your boiling anger or the hemorrhage from the sharpness of his words. Your jaw clenched, your gaze sharpened.

“Fuck you, Simon,” you spat. “You know we’re not just fucking.”

The clenched fists at your sides tremble, and you don’t know if it’s from anger or hurt or the weight of your own expectation to make him see it. Or perhaps it’s all three. How could he speak like this when there's a specific section in your dresser for the clothes he frequently brings and leaves, when he constantly returns and stays longer even as the morning has risen, when he drove you to the countryside and dances and twirls you around like those old couples do? Not when he embraces you until your tears subside, nor when each of his kisses offers that one thing you've chased your whole life.

There’s no way this isn’t love. He just needs to stop denying it.

Simon's eyes narrowed into slits. "Then you read it all wrong, darlin'."

The way he said it was cold, without a shred of sympathy—but nothing was colder than the way Simon continually turned his back to you as he continued to walk farther and farther away, as if all he wanted was to get as far away from you as possible. Disgusting woman in love. But you never got the hint, did you? You kept following him, running after him like a stupid little dog created solely to love, love, love, and never be loved back.

“Is that the reason, Simon?” You cried, voice cracking. “Is that why you fucked that woman—Hayley?”

“Who?”

“Hayley. The woman you fucked in the back of that pub alley! Was that why you left me?”

For the first time, Simon was lost for words, gears turning behind his brown eyes. He let out a frustrated sigh, jaw clenched tight. “You fucking stalked me?”

“I did,” you admitted, but this wasn’t an admission of guilt, nor an act of taking accountability. The words falling from your lips lacked the necessary remorse for either of those things. “I know it’s wrong, but—”

“Wrong?” Simon scoffed. “Christ, you’re bloody mental if you think that’s just wrong.”

You try to draw a deep breath through your mouth, your shoulders stuttering with the effort. The pain and the anguish are written all over your face, reddening your skin. But then, something shifts—and when you open your eyes, you are someone new.

Simon watched a thin smile spread across your swollen lips. “Do you think she's a good kisser?”

The question slipped out of you in a voice that was just barely above a whisper, but in the stillness of the night, Simon heard it, caught your quiet words. There was no faltering in your voice, no quaver, no stutter. He felt your pupils searing his skin hotter than the mansion’s fire.

“What?” He asked again, making sure he hadn’t misheard.

You were more than happy to repeat. “Do you think Hayley is a good kisser? Because I know she is—I kissed her. How did she taste? Did you enjoy it?”

“Fucking hell, you’re a fuckin’ psycho.”

“Did she moan when you kissed her, Simon? Did she wrap her arms around you, pull you in closer? Did you run your fingers through her hair—her body? Did she moan your name the way I do when we’re—”

You cut yourself off, your breath hitching again. The numbing agent has worn off, and now you're paying the withdrawal tenfold. Like your own personal hell, the memory of your intimate moments together replays, leaving nothing but a bitter taste and more hot, salty tears streaming down your face.

 “Did she feel as good as I do when you’re buried deep inside me?”

Simon didn't respond, remaining silent. Or perhaps this very silence was his answer. He was always a man of few words, preferring to act instead. Right now, his actions spoke louder than anything.

“Or was she better?” You hissed. “ANSWER ME!”

Nothing. Even when you scream in his face, he keeps giving you nothing. This is the man you love—only able to take, take, and take until there is nothing left to fill the cavern he leaves behind.

You take a step towards him, hands trembling by your side. “Can she love you like I do?”

The confession hung in the air, heavy with the weight of your love and pain. You caught the way Simon’s eyes widened in surprise, but they quickly returned to their stoic stare, and the mask—that damn mask—hid too much for you to make any conclusions about him. The unfairness was palpable: you were tearing your heart out, vulnerable and all exposed for him—while he was hiding behind a mesh of polypropylene.

Always guarded, always unreachable.

Simon’s shoulders rise as he takes a deep breath, gazing up at the sky before turning back to you. “You need to go home.”

“What?”

Before you could really process his words, Simon had already turned and was walking briskly to his car, his broad back starting to move away from you. Hurriedly, you ran after him, your hands outstretched to grab anything of his. Stop. Stop walking away. Stop trying to leave me.

“Simon!” You called out—God, how you hated how weak and pleading it sounded. “Simon, wait! Listen to me!”

Simon reaches his car, already grasping for the handle. Panic rises in your throat. He yanks the door open, ready to get in. Your mind is gripped with desperation, scrambling to find something—anything—to keep him here with you, and yet the only thing that can act fast enough is your voice.

“”Go home,” That’s your response, Simon? After everything I just confessed to you? I just laid my heart bare—I told you that I love you, and your answer is to tell me to go home?!”

You flinch at the sudden slam of the car door. Simon whirls around to face you, chin held high, imprisoning you under his angry gaze. “YES, I'm tellin' you to fucking go home!” He roars, his booming voice quickening your pulse. “I don't want this sappy shit you're tryin' to dump on me. Go home an' leave me the fuck alone!”

“NO!” You shouted, voice cracking as you dangled on the edge of control—on the verge of crumbling. “I won't go home! I-I love you! I don't want to go home!"

You stepped forward, your hands gripping the front of his shirt. "Is it because of me?" you questioned, as if this was the only possible explanation. “Because if it is, I can fix it! I can be whatever you want me to be—I don't care! You don't even have to love me back! Just please, don't leave. If you want, you can always use me—just keep using me. Just don't go, Simon. Please, please, don't leave me."

Because there will always be a really bad part of you that ruins everything. No matter how deeply you love or how faithful your devotion is, it will taint it. At the end of the day, it will be worth nothing. So, if your body is the only thing that would satisfy him—distracting him from your inability to make him love you—then so be it. You were always the cheap and vulgar daughter, after all.

“Fucking hell,” he cursed under his breath. “Stop. Fuckin' stop sayin' shit like that 'bout yerself.”

Despite all your pleading, Simon remains the same man he always was. A rotten one, selfish—a stray dog who loves to wander. He hasn’t changed—his dead heart has no room for your love, for you. The more you try to hold him, the more he eludes your grasp. Perhaps he has grown so accustomed to sadistic things that a woman tearing out her heart for him doesn't faze him anymore.

Or worse: he loves things like this.

A raw, throbbing heart—the soft feast of organs for a home-fashioned dinner. The beautiful swan—you, heart enlarged and sweet from your consumption of his deceit. His prized delicacy, just the way he likes it.

You felt Simon’s hands wrap around your wrist, prying your fingers off him. “No, please! Don’t go, don’t leave!”

But he was unyielding, his mind pinpointed on one goal: to get away from you. He pushed you back. You watched as he turned and opened the car door, sliding inside. Hastily, you tried to wrench the car door open—he had locked it from the inside. You slam your hands against the window.

“Simon! Simon, please!”

The glass vibrated under the force of your blows; your palms stinging with the impact. Tears streamed down your face as you continuously hit the window. Simon turned on the ignition.

“GET OUT!! I’ll die if you leave! I’LL DIE IF YOU LEAVE!”

The car lurched forward; Simon's face remained obscured from view. Your hand slides off the glass as the vehicle speeds away. The sound of the engine faded into the distance, taking with it the last piece of your shattered heart.

You stood there, frozen, alone on the empty street. He was gone.

The bitter realization hits you like a physical blow, knocking the breath from your lungs. You sank to your knees, hands clutching at the fabric of your coat as uncontrollable sobs wracked your body. He was gone, and your last memory of him was his dark eyes staring at you as you begged to mean something to him.

But would it make a difference if the last recollection of him stayed on that sunny day in the countryside? Would everything have been better if you hadn't come here?

You dig your fingernails into the back of your hand, hoping the sting will distract you like it did before. Yet, even after collecting your own skin beneath your nails, the long-awaited numbness never comes. Or is it because no amount of bodily harm can relieve the agony?

(It feels like a kind of living death, doesn’t it?)

Sometimes, you get jealous of euthanized dogs.

@strawberrygato @aprosiacperson @chipsbuttercream @arrozyfrijoles23 @pastel-devil-06 @rroseskull @olives10 @cricricorner

SUPPORT ME THROUGH KO-FI! CHECK MY WRITING COMMISSION. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS HERE.

[saintzweig]

art donaldson x mean girl!gf hcs :3

୨ৎ personality for the character (reader) is based off jade west from victorious!

୨ৎ if there were three things people remembered you by, it would be your rbf, your brutal (sometimes unnecessary) honesty and your boyfriend who is your complete opposite, art donaldson.

୨ৎ you and art dating came as a surprise to everyone, he was an angel while you were... you've had your moments.

୨ৎ they all came to accept it sooner or later, seeing as how the two of you balanced each other out. with art around, the chances of your outbursts were lower and with you around, art learned how to stop being such a pushover.

୨ৎ art loved your transparency and honesty, the way he doesn't have to walk on eggshells around you or decipher whatever is going on in your brain because you express so clearly the emotions you feel.

୨ৎ other people may have their thoughts on you, gossip about who you are and all that but he knows that they're all surface level, he knows you better than anyone so he knows it comes from a good place.

୨ৎ you're overprotective of him and your close friends, you don't like it when other people cross boundaries and make you (and him) uncomfortable.

୨ৎ he's pretty much the only person who's well equipped to deal with your moods, knowing when to pull you away when things become too much and you're starting to get irritable from overstimulation. he knows how to calm you down, help you ground yourself.

୨ৎ on the rare occasions you blow up on him, he tries not to take it to the heart. he knows it's more the situation than him, you were blowing up at him and not about. but it still doesn't change the fact that it hurt, so he goes quiet and leaves you alone.

୨ৎ you tell him to fuck off and he will, but just in the other room. he knows you'll come around soon enough and make up, so he doesn't approach you unless you make the first move.

୨ৎ usually you find him wrapped up on the couch, with a tray of meal on the coffee table waiting for you. even when you were so unfair to him, he still wants to take care of you.

୨ৎ "it's alright, darling. you were just stressed, i know you didn't mean it"

୨ৎ aside from that, he finds it hot when you're mean to other people. especially when you're jealous :3 which is often, considering art is pretty famous on campus.

୨ৎ this man would stand behind you while you go off on a girl that tried to kiss him, giggling and blushing while holding your hand.

୨ৎ he also likes it when you end up using your mean-ness for good lol, someone's yelling at the pregnant cashier lady at the grocery? you're giving them the same energy. a professor is trying to humiliate someone in front of the entire class? they can kiss their job goodbye.

୨ৎ you and art balance each other so well, when he's too shy or too much of a pushover to disagree with whatever, you push him to do it anyways and remind him to prioritize himself. when he's doubtful of himself especially in his tennis career, you tell him that a man with his talents is allowed to be a little arrogant.

୨ৎ he's so malewife energy and he's well aware of that, i swear his type in women are assertive and feisty ones.

[scara-writes]

100% perfect

GN!Esper!Reader x Y!Guide!Male OC

Note: hello im back. A lot happened, I had an anxiety attacks, my mind has been having a lot of bad thoughts, my dog passed away last year—three months ago... I didn't have a lot of time for me to write since I've been grieving for my dog's death up until now but I'm okay, I'm healing... Anyway, my writings is rusty and probably didn't improve. I know some of you guys really tried to reach out through ask and I'm kind of happy. Thanks. For now I'll give this to piece of one shot for a new year. This Esper x Guide thing I made might not be accurate. All i know is they are similar to Alpha x Omega shits except the curse thing on espers. This might be cringe. i will try to edit it. I will try to update the other oc's as well.

-also please do not do this, i do not condone anything in this story. This is purely fiction and be kept as a fiction.

CW: implied se(g)s, implied suicide(mention), yandere, drugging, manipulation, dynamic power, etc.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"(Y/n)!!" A ginger haired male rush up to you, hugging you by the time you step on the greenery field of the university. Pastel blue of sweater was the first thing you see before you were envelope by a hug. You tense when his arms coils around your waist, hearing him breathe out of relief as he buries his face on your left shoulder. 

You don't know what to do everytime he does this. There were eyes everywhere and it doesn't seem like he is bothered by it.

Of course why would he?

Micah Clarke is not only popular and prettiest student in this campus. He is known for being famous as the youngest champion of ice skating 3 years ago, defending his title until now. His luscious natural lips, his hazel eyes that could make you halt on what you were doing, the type to make yourself give him a third glance because he is so pretty. So pretty that you sometimes envy his glassy skin, igniting a insecurities to yourself. His soft curly ginger hair and freckled face that matches his glossy alabaster complexion. The type of guy who prefers cute, pastel than those typical guys—omg so unique(lol)—that always choose to wear dark or dull colors. Everyone finds him attractive including yourself. Everything about him screams beauty and elegance. He can hook up with men and women if he wants to but he chose not to.

From what you heard, he is a rare S-rank Guide. Most espers would try hook up with him atleast make a contract with someone like him. He would rather spend his time painting his nails, crochetting, organising or planning his time, practicing his amazing skills on ice skating, or rather do hundred routine for his skincare than hook up with other people. Quirky, Alright. Still, this doesn't stop people from wanting to go between his pants and his fame.

To people he is a swan. He is epitome of perfection.

You always see him pass by to your department, always getting called by the principal,inviting him to do a photoshoot, using his face as an advertisment for upcoming enrollent or any event inside the university. You never dwell yourself to swoon on to him whenever he pass by. Fine, you do like him. But not the kind of like where you are romantically interest to him. You just admire his looks, his talents and that's about it. You just don't like he was too friendly, there's nothing wrong with that but invading someone else personal bubble space—and the feeling of shame on yourself for being near someone kind as him—as if you two are already close is not your thing to a person you rarely talk to. Unlike him, you are the quite the opposite when it comes to socialising,You like being alone, you aren't anti-social, atleast, that's what you think you are. You are confident by yourself. An Introvert.

You just like the silence. It eases your deteriorating mind—(stupid esper curse) Somewhere peace and quiet,reading books, listening to music—gosh laufey and wave to earth and even (favorite singer/composer) always sound so good, spending time with your pets, to drown out insanity voices piling up in your head. Although you just have a few friends, you love to be alone. You once dream about getting a job. To work hard and earn a good money, once you have enough money. You would spend it to buy a house and lot somewhere away from the city and nearby the countryside with a small farm. Letting your family and friends to visit you time to time in occassions. Where you can spend the rest of your life alone and happy. A dream that would be come true if only you didn't awakened as an esper after you reach 18.

As for the guy who has the entire school and other people folded for him. He is choosing you to lend his attention, to a person who doesn't like attention. So why was he talking to someone who is a nobody like a B-rank Esper like you? The only interaction you had with him before he let himself in your life was when you pull him away from the bridge—you didn't know him at that time—a few exchange greeting—which of course he would be the first one to initiate it—and.... The party....

"N-ngh!!!" A whiny moan escape his lips. Your lips were on his neck drinking each of his soft sound coming from his mouth. The blaring party background can be ignore in the background thanks to the closed lock door of this room the both of you are in.You bite and nip his skin as if animal marking its prey. You didn't care if you torn his shirt, you just needed his guide seep through more, letting your body gone addicted to him. "(Y-y/n)!" The whay he whimpered your name made you groaned. The way every pulse from his body sends his guiding through your body.  You were delirious, you can't resist him—

"Missed you! Why aren't you checking my messages? You know I got worried when you didn't reply." He whined, his orbs shows concern and sadness. You look away.

"...hey." you greeted him with quieter tone. You pulled away from the hug not liking the way your body just relaxes everytime his guide powers automatically seeps through your body. You don't hate it but you don't like the way that your body depends on someone just for the sake of being sane and relax.

.... The shame you are feeling over the past few weeks.

You still feel guilty and ashamed about it everytime you remember those memory.

"I... I was busy. Had to do homework. I fell asleep and forgot to charge my phone." You told him. Another excuse. You just put your phone on do not disturb.

You don't have the guts to tell a sweet person like him to leave you alone. Well you did because you are ashamed to face him but he insisted it was never you fault. It always ended up him spending time with you. You can't—you owe him more than anything—Especially now that all people's oggling to you too now that you have the attention of the star. They would try to befriending you so that they could get closer to him.

Gosh, you are getting tired. Why can't people leave you alone?

You missed the old times where you can be at peace. No drama, nowhere near on people who wants attention.

"O-oh. Well that's alright."he chided before grabbing your hands with both of his. His smooth hands rubbing against your ragged callouses. He continued, "well actually I was wondering could you hangout out with me? This friday? I know you don't have schedule at that time since you showed me your schedule—And I want to spend more time with you!" He beamed. His smile was out of this world and it blinds you.

"I uhh .. have a plan on that time..." You words went silent as soon as your eyes sees the smile from his lips slowly fell down to his face."really?" The grip on your hands were getting uncomfortable.

"Umm.... I just wanna be on my home and well—"He gasped, his smile is coming back on his symmetrical face as he clung to your right arm."oh! Why didn't you say so? We can hangout together in your home!"

Giddy, he press his front closer to you which made you feel suffocating. His guide power automatically seeps through you again.

"N-no, Mikah... What I meant to say is I plan to rest, like spend alone on that day. A peace and quiet." You slowly pull away your hand gently from his clinging hands.

You didn't expect he would react like this. Tears are already in the corner of his eyes. His lips quivering. "W-what? Are you saying that I'm boring, I-I'm too loud? Did I do something wrong?"

The people who were eavesdropping at your conversation sent a glare and unwanted resentment towards you. 

You quickly shook your head. Your free hand clasping against his clutching ones that is gripping your poor unavailable hand. "No... It's not like that. You didn't do anything wrong.. I just want a me time... You know when... Uhhh before you and I become friends.... I just want to relax by myself.... You're a good friend and a good company but... We've been hanging out for a while... Ummm w-what I'm trying to say is... I want some time to be alone. You... You know what I mean right?"

Micah gave you a blank stare. You were getting uneasy. You bite your inner cheek. Will he lash out? He never seem to be the person who never received a refusal on his entire life. As soon as 2 seconds has passed, you noticed his eyes were akin to sadness. You feel the guilt running up to your spine.

You tried to avoid his gaze looking straight his frowning lips before getting replace by a forced grin. "Oh! I get that! You wish a time for yourself! Self care stuff in all that!" 

Your heart beats a little faster in excitement, is he finally leaving you for a bit? You were about to thank him for understanding. He does l—

"B-but!!" He grabbed your hands again.

You internally groan. Does he even know the word no? Of course he don't.

He never had someone says no to him. Everything he request would be at his feet. You can't yell or be rude. That's not in your nature and plus if you done it. His fans would kill you.

"I need to be with you o-on friday! You know... I wanna spend my birthday with you.. P-please? your presence alone is enough a gift for me." He stammers. You blink in surprise. "I-I promise I won't bother you the next day if you really wanna spend t-time for yourself..."

Birthday?

"T-to be honest.... I don't like parties uhmm..." He lick his lips as if the word 'party' is a taboo between the two of you." Especially my birthday parties because a-although people greet me a happy birthday or any party occasion and stuff they never really mean it. They... Always use that as an excuse to use me for my fame or my money that I earned so hard in those competitions... I.. I plan to not throw one b-because m-my family isn't forcing me anymore... I just want to spend my birthday w-with you. Y-you're the only d-decent person who treated me normally."he stammer.  You feel a lump on your throat when he says you're a decent. "I... I know... Umm I'm asking to much f-from you and I know... you didn't mean to do that—" he continues to rambles that some of his words can't form a right sentence. You noticed his eyes were in the verge of tears, threatening to drop from his eyes. 

"I'm.... Not a decent person." You told him looking away from him, ashamed and hurt were written in your face.Your voice grew quiet but the man Infront catch on what you said, already refering to the 'incident' between the two of you. He bit his lower lips and almost yelled. His face pull out a sad look. It made him look cute if it's from a tears of joy."Y-you are ! You are a decent person! You know it's not your f-fault! You were d-drugged a-and I... I was drunk! W-we both know we weren't in o-our right minds! You never hurted me—!" He starts hiccuping. "You're a-a good person! W-what happened between that night s-should b-be buried! Y-you're a good friend! It's not your fault! It's not your f-fault!" With that he burst into tears.

You didn't expect for him to cry. You panic mentally. What should you do on these type of situations? You pull him for a hug—albeit stiffeningly."Ok... Ok... Don't cry.... I don't like it... When you cry.. I'm sorry." You told him honestly, truthfully this is not the first time he argued about the incident with you.

You still feel ashamed of yourself. You really do. 

The party. If only you didn't come to your friend's party. The guilt won't eat you. No matter how many times Micah convinced you that none of it was your fault. You feel like you can't face him. He did say he was also drunk at the time but still... You could have gotten home earlier and didn't force yourself on him.

You cried and apologised so many times from him at that time, swearing you will turn yourself over to the police and never let him see your face again. You saw how his whole body was full of marks, hickeys, and bruises. He look like he got ravage. His clothes were thorn and you wish the drug in your system that time killed you.

Micah's eyes light up and a smirk forming from his lips as he nuzzle his face on your neck, pretending to cry even more. Everything is planned, everything worked for him to get you under his palm. He can feel the guilt eating you. 

"... it's okay... Hik... " He sob sneaking in to kiss your neck. You are to busy awkwardly and hesitantly patting his back and hugging him and the man love every second of it.

From the moment you save him from jumping off the bridge, he needed to make you his. Someone who genuinely cares for him from this greedy world is something he needed to treasure.

Oh how he had you wrap around his fingers the moment you accepted that drug-disguise juice from one of his friends offered by the man himself. It's your fault.

It doesn't matter. You're under his palm forever. Everything is 100% perfect.

[niallerspayno]

My Sunshine

Masterlist

You’re the bubbly, optimistic junior stylist working with One Direction. While you easily connect with the other boys, Zayn Malik is a different story—quiet, grumpy, and distant. But as you share quiet moments and unexpected sparks fly between you two, you can’t deny the chemistry building. As tension grows, you both must face your fears and open up, finding that sometimes opposites really do attract.

Tags: grumpy!Zayn x sunshine!reader, slow burn, fluff

…

Your nerves flutter in your stomach, but you smile widely, trying to hide the way your heart races. This is your dream job. Being here, working alongside Lou Teasdale, the stylist behind some of the most iconic looks for One Direction, is everything you’ve ever wanted. You’ve trained for this moment—learning the ins and outs of makeup, hair, and fashion—but nothing could have prepared you for actually being here.

The tour itself is massive, with sold-out shows all over the world. The band is bigger than life itself, and you’re the junior makeup and hair stylist, the newest addition to the team, tasked with making sure the boys look flawless for every performance, photoshoot, and press interview. It’s a big responsibility, and you’re determined to prove yourself.

“Alright,” Lou says, her voice cutting through your racing thoughts, “Let’s go introduce you to the boys.”

You nod enthusiastically, trying to keep the nerves at bay. Lou leads you into the spacious backstage area where the boys are gathered, laughing and joking as they prep for their first show of the tour.

There they are, standing in front of you like a dream: Harry, with his signature curly hair and laid-back grin; Liam, who looks every bit the leader, confident and always on point; Louis, playful as ever, giving you a quick nod as he catches your eye; Niall, looking like he could charm anyone with a simple smile; and Zayn. Zayn, with his intense gaze and quiet demeanor, barely acknowledges your presence at first, lost in his own thoughts.

“Boys, this is the new addition to the team, Y/N,” Lou announces, her hand on your shoulder as she turns toward you. “She’ll be working closely with me as a junior makeup and hair stylist. She’s excited to be here, and I’m sure you’ll all make her feel welcome.”

You smile as brightly as you can, even though your hands are shaking slightly. “Hi, everyone. I’m so excited to work with you all.”

The boys offer various greetings—Liam gives you a friendly smile, Harry winks playfully, and Louis cracks a joke, making you laugh nervously. But it’s Zayn who catches your eye last, his expression unreadable.

“Nice to meet you,” he says quietly, barely glancing in your direction before turning back to the rest of the group.

You don’t mind. You know you have to prove yourself, and you’re ready to dive in.

Lou pats your back, guiding you toward the hair and makeup stations. “You’ve got this,” she says, her confidence in you making you feel a little less jittery.

As you follow her, your eyes flick back to the boys one last time. Zayn still doesn’t seem to notice you much, but you’re sure that will change once you start working with him. And even if he doesn’t seem impressed now, you’ll show him just how good you are at what you do.

…

A few weeks into the tour, and you’ve already settled into your role, though it’s a lot busier than you ever expected. Lou’s been an incredible mentor, always there to guide you, offering tips on everything from makeup application to the way the boys like their hair styled.

The boys, too, have been incredibly welcoming, with Harry cracking jokes to keep the mood light, Liam offering tips on staying organised, and Louis never missing a chance to tease you in the most endearing way possible. Even Niall, with his ever-present smile, has a way of making you feel like you belong.

The camaraderie is easy to find with everyone, except for one person—Zayn.

He’s quiet, distant, and rarely engages in the easy banter you share with the others. You’ve tried to crack him. You’ve dropped a couple of harmless comments about his style, attempting to draw him into conversation. You’ve tried joking around with him while you fix his hair or touch up his makeup, hoping that your bubbly energy will wear down his walls.

But Zayn isn’t easily swayed.

His responses are always short, and while he’s polite, it’s clear he’s not exactly interested in bonding with you. Every time you get a few words in with him, it’s like trying to break through a brick wall.

“Morning,” you greet him one day, trying to keep the mood light as you set up your station for the show’s makeup touch-ups.

He looks at you, nodding once, but doesn’t return the greeting with his usual warmth. “Hey.” His voice is low, uninterested.

You’re undeterred, though. You’ve cracked harder nuts than him.

“You know,” you say, leaning in as you prep the makeup brushes, “I think you’d look even better in a bit of eyeliner. Just a suggestion.”

Zayn doesn’t respond immediately, his gaze flicking to you for just a second. There’s a flicker of amusement in his eyes, but he quickly masks it. “I’m good, thanks.”

You sigh dramatically, dropping the brush. “What’s it going to take to make you crack, Zayn?”

The corner of his lips twitches, but he remains silent.

“You’re tough, I’ll give you that,” you say, winking at him, determined to keep pushing. “But I won’t give up. Eventually, I’ll get you laughing.”

He doesn’t answer, but there’s a slight shift in his demeanor—a subtle, almost imperceptible change. You know you’re getting under his skin, even if he’s not showing it.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Zayn mutters, walking away. But you swear you see the smallest smirk tug at his lips, and it’s enough to keep you going.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, but you’re determined. Zayn’s grumpy exterior doesn’t stand a chance against your sunshine.

…

It’s show day, and you and Lou are busy prepping the boys for their performance. The air is full of energy as you move between each of the boys, touching up their hair and makeup, while Lou adjusts their outfits. The camaraderie between everyone is infectious—Harry is cracking jokes, Niall is teasing Louis about his shirt, and Liam is chatting with Lou about some of the tour’s logistics.

But it’s when you move toward Zayn that the real fun begins.

“So, Y/N,” Louis calls, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he gives you a once-over, “We’ve been meaning to ask… Were you a big fan before you got this gig?”

You freeze for a split second, caught off guard by the question. You glance at Lou, who gives you a knowing smile, and the rest of the boys turn their attention to you, eagerly awaiting your answer.

“Well…” you say, clearing your throat and trying to play it cool, “Yeah. I mean, I’ve always liked your music. Who doesn’t, right?”

There’s a burst of laughter from Harry. “So you were stalking us before you showed up?”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the small smile that plays at your lips. “Okay, fine. Maybe I watched a few interviews. Maybe I definitely knew all the lyrics to your songs before this tour.”

The boys erupt in teasing, and even Lou shakes her head with a grin.

“No shame in that!” Niall chimes in. “I’m sure you weren’t the only one.”

“Alright, alright,” Liam says, putting a hand up to stop the chatter. “But now, the big question… Who was your favorite?”

You pause, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. It’s a loaded question, but you decide to own it. After all, you’ve been trying to keep things light with Zayn, even if he’s always a bit distant.

“Zayn,” you answer without hesitation.

The room goes silent, and you feel all eyes on you. There’s a moment of stunned silence before Louis grins mischievously.

“Zayn? Really?” Louis teases, waggling his eyebrows. “The quiet, brooding one?”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that to avoid getting murdered by one of the rest of us?” Harry adds, grinning.

You laugh, shrugging with a playful smile. “Yeah, I mean, Zayn’s just… different. I like his style.” You pause, trying to find the right words. “He’s… got that quiet cool thing going on, you know?”

The other boys exchange exaggerated glances, eyes wide.

“Well, I’ll be,” Niall says, stepping forward. “I think we’ve got a match here, lads. Opposites attract, right?”

“Totally,” Liam agrees, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “So when’s the wedding?”

You roll your eyes, but the teasing continues to come.

“I mean, just look at them,” Harry says, putting on a dramatic voice. “Zayn’s the cool, mysterious guy, and Y/N is… well, sunshine in human form. It’s practically written in the stars.”

Louis snickers. “I think we need a duet, huh? Maybe ‘Opposites Attract’ for the setlist?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Zayn mutters, barely looking up from his phone, but there’s a flicker of something in his eyes—amusement, maybe?

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” you say, trying to keep a straight face. “You guys are hilarious.”

But the teasing doesn’t stop.

“You know,” Liam says, nudging Zayn with a grin, “I think you’ve got some competition now. Better watch out, mate.”

“Don’t worry,” Niall adds with a wink, “I think we’re all just waiting for the first romantic gesture.”

Zayn’s lips twitch slightly, but he doesn’t respond. His usual cool exterior is still there, but there’s something about the way he’s reacting—like he’s not entirely opposed to the idea.

“Alright, alright,” Louis says, raising his hands in mock surrender. “We’ll stop. But we’ve definitely got team sunshine and team stormcloud here, don’t we?”

You laugh, even though you can’t help but feel a little flustered. “Sure. You’ve had your fun.”

As you finish up with Zayn, you exchange a brief, knowing look. There’s a subtle shift in his expression—a slight smile, maybe—before he looks away, as if pretending the entire conversation didn’t happen.

But you can’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you’re getting closer.

…

You’re on your second cup of coffee, trying to shake off the early morning fog as you bustle around the dressing room, adjusting outfits and making sure everything is set for the boys’ interview. Lou’s beside you, just as busy, but she’s got the kind of calm efficiency that only comes with years of experience.

The rest of the boys are still trying to shake off the sleepiness. Harry’s running around the room like a ball of energy, Liam is focused on his phone, Niall’s sipping his coffee with a grin, and Louis is picking at his outfit, clearly trying to make himself look ‘effortlessly stylish.’

Then there’s Zayn.

He’s slouched in a chair, arms crossed, eyes half-closed, clearly not a fan of this early start. You can’t help but grin at him.

“Good morning, Zayn!” you chirp, walking past him.

He grumbles something incoherent, his eyes narrowed as if the mere sound of your voice is too much.

“You’re way too happy for this time of day,” he mutters, his voice rough from sleep. “How can you be this cheerful this early?”

You laugh, raising your coffee cup. “Second cup. It’s my magic potion,” you tease.

He shoots you a deadpan look, clearly not impressed, but there’s something in his eyes that says he’s not entirely annoyed either. Maybe just a little intrigued.

“Must be nice,” he grumbles again, but the usual edge of annoyance is missing.

As Lou moves to touch up Niall’s hair, you continue bouncing between the boys, making sure everyone’s ready for the interview. Your usual banter flows easily—Louis teases Harry about his outfit, Niall jokes with you about your coffee addiction, and Liam quietly observes, nodding at the various preparations.

But through it all, you can’t shake the feeling that Zayn is watching you.

Every time you move across the room or make eye contact, you catch a glimpse of his dark eyes lingering on you for a fraction longer than usual. At first, you tell yourself it’s nothing—just Zayn being Zayn. But it happens again, and again.

You’re not imagining it. Zayn is watching you.

You try not to let it throw you off, keeping your usual bubbly self going as you continue with the boys’ preparations, but something in the way Zayn looks at you now feels different. It’s subtle, but it’s there—like he’s studying you, or maybe… waiting for something.

As the boys finish getting ready, you make your way back to Lou, trying to act casual. But you can’t help the small smile that tugs at your lips when you glance over at Zayn again.

It’s like something’s shifted, but you’re not quite sure what yet.

…

The concert has just ended, and the venue is buzzing with the lingering energy of thousands of screaming fans. You step outside, seeking a moment of quiet in the cool night air. The distant hum of voices and equipment being packed away drifts through the stillness. Rounding the corner, you stop short when you see Zayn leaning against a brick wall, a cigarette glowing between his fingers.

For a moment, you consider turning back, not wanting to intrude on what looks like his private time. But before you can retreat, he glances up, his dark eyes meeting yours through the thin curl of smoke.

“You hiding out too?” you ask, stepping forward cautiously.

He doesn’t say anything at first, just shrugs and takes another slow drag from his cigarette. But he doesn’t seem annoyed by your presence, so you take it as a good sign.

“You were incredible tonight,” you say, leaning against the wall a few feet from him.

“Thanks,” he mutters, his voice low. He exhales a cloud of smoke, looking up at the night sky. “Crowd was good.”

You nod, watching him for a moment before your gaze flickers to the cigarette in his hand. He notices, a faint smirk tugging at his lips.

“You smoke?” he asks, holding it up slightly.

You shake your head with a laugh. “Never tried it.”

That catches his attention. He turns his head toward you, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “Never? Not even once?”

“Nope.” You grin. “Guess I never had the urge.”

He considers you for a moment, then holds out the cigarette, the embers glowing faintly in the dim light. “Wanna try?”

You hesitate, your gaze shifting between him and the cigarette. “I don’t know… I mean, isn’t this the part where I’m supposed to say it’s bad for me?”

He smirks, his voice tinged with amusement. “Probably. But who listens to that, right?”

With a small laugh, you reach out and take the cigarette from his fingers. “Okay, but if I choke and die, it’s on you.”

He smirks, watching as you raise the cigarette to your lips. “Just take it slow. Don’t try to inhale too much at first.”

You follow his instructions, but the moment the smoke hits your throat, you cough violently, your eyes watering as you hand the cigarette back to him.

He smiles, shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Okay, fine,” you rasp, wiping your eyes. “This is a terrible idea.”

“Relax,” he says, his voice softer now. He steps closer, holding the cigarette out to you again. “Try it one more time. I’ll walk you through it.”

There’s something in his tone—calm, almost encouraging—that makes you take it. He positions himself beside you, his hand hovering near yours, his presence close enough to feel the warmth of his body in the cool night air.

“Take a smaller drag this time,” he instructs, his voice low. “Don’t rush it. Just… let it fill your mouth first.”

You do as he says, more cautiously this time. The smoke feels strange, but not as overwhelming, and when you exhale slowly, it curls out in a thin stream.

“There you go,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips.

You hand the cigarette back to him, shaking your head with a grin. “You’re such a bad influence.”

He chuckles, taking another drag as he leans back against the wall. “You didn’t have to try it.”

“Yeah, but you made it look so cool,” you tease, rolling your eyes.

He laughs softly, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than usual.

“Wait a second,” you say, narrowing your eyes at him. “Did you just laugh at me?”

His gaze flickers to you, and for a split second, there’s a flash of guilt before he smirks. “Maybe.”

“You totally did!” you exclaim, pointing at him. “Zayn Malik, laughing at my expense. Unbelievable.”

He chuckles softly, and this time it’s unmistakable. You stare at him, momentarily stunned.

“Oh my God, I cracked you.” You break into a wide grin, unable to hide your triumph. “I’ve been waiting for this moment. Feels good to know I’m funny enough to make you laugh.”

He shakes his head, the smirk lingering. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late,” you fire back, your tone light and teasing. “You should laugh more, you know. It looks good on you.”

He raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Yeah, right.”

“I mean it,” you say, softening. “You’ve got a great laugh. And your smile… It’s really nice.”

His smirk falters, replaced by something quieter, more unsure. “Dunno about that.”

“Well, I do,” you reply simply, your voice steady.

He looks away, exhaling smoke into the night air, his brow furrowing slightly. It’s as if your words are too much for him to process, too sincere to brush off entirely.

For a moment, the air between you feels heavy—not with tension, but with something tender, something new.

“I’m serious,” you add gently. “You should let people see that side of you more often.”

He doesn’t respond, not directly. Instead, he stubs out the cigarette against the wall, his fingers lingering on the spot for a moment longer than necessary. When he looks back at you, there’s something different in his eyes—like he’s trying to figure you out, and maybe himself, too.

“Guess we’ll see,” he mutters, his voice low.

And just like that, the walls you’ve been chipping away at feel a little less insurmountable.

...

The dressing room is a whirlwind of activity, the hum of pre-show excitement hanging in the air. You and Lou are working in sync, moving between the boys as they sit in front of the brightly lit mirrors.

“You’ve got ten minutes!” a stagehand calls from the doorway.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re almost done!” Lou shouts back, grinning as she flicks a strand of Harry’s hair into place.

You turn to Zayn, who’s scrolling on his phone, already styled to perfection except for one finishing touch. “Alright, Zayn, I’m bringing it up again. Eyeliner. Just a little bit. What do you think?”

He glances at you, his expression neutral but not dismissive. “Why’re you so obsessed with this?”

“Because it would look amazing on you,” you say, grabbing the pencil from the makeup kit and holding it up for emphasis. “Trust me. It’ll make your eyes pop under the stage lights.”

“Mate, she’s got a point,” Niall chimes in from across the room. “You’ve got the look for it.”

“Since when do you care about eyeliner?” Zayn shoots back, raising an eyebrow.

“Since she started nagging you about it,” Niall says with a grin.

You roll your eyes, turning your attention back to Zayn. “Come on. One try. If you don’t like it, I’ll never bring it up again.”

He hesitates, his gaze shifting to Lou, who’s watching the exchange with an amused smirk. “Don’t look at me,” she says. “This is all her.”

Finally, with a quiet sigh, Zayn leans back in the chair. “Fine. Do your thing.”

The room goes silent for a beat before Harry’s voice cuts through the air. “Wait. What?”

“You’re actually letting her do it?” Louis asks, his jaw dropping.

“You never let anyone touch your face like that,” Liam adds, his tone laced with disbelief.

“Guess she’s got the magic touch,” Lou teases, winking at you.

You try to suppress a smile as you step closer to Zayn, the eyeliner in hand. “Hold still,” you murmur, your voice softer now.

He watches you carefully, his eyes steady and dark as you lean in. The room is quiet again, save for the occasional rustle of movement from the other boys. When you finish, you step back, capping the pencil with a satisfied grin.

“There. Told you it’d look good.”

Zayn turns to the mirror, his expression unreadable as he inspects your handiwork. After a moment, he shrugs. “Not bad.”

“Not bad?” Louis echoes, laughing. “That’s the most praise I’ve ever heard him give anyone.��

“I’m just surprised he let you do it,” Niall says, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’ve definitely got him wrapped around your finger.”

“Shut up, Niall,” Zayn mutters, but there’s the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.

You meet his eyes in the mirror, your own smile softening. “Glad you trust me.”

For a moment, it’s just the two of you in the reflection, the noise of the room fading into the background. Then Lou claps her hands, snapping everyone back to reality.

“Alright, showtime!” she calls.

As the boys file out of the room, you catch Zayn glancing back at you, his expression unreadable but lingering just long enough to send your heart fluttering.

…

Later that night the bar is buzzing with life—laughter, music, and the steady hum of conversation creating the perfect escape after a week of chaos. Your group claims a booth tucked into a corner, a round table surrounded by curved seating that’s already too small for the number of people cramming in.

“Alright, everyone, shift your arses!” Niall declares, sliding into the booth and dragging Louis in beside him.

The others follow, jostling for space. You hesitate at the edge, scanning for an open seat. Of course, the only spot left is sandwiched between Zayn and Liam.

“Go on, love, we don’t bite,” Liam says, giving you an encouraging smile as he pats the seat next to him.

“Much,” Louis adds with a wink, earning a laugh from the group.

Rolling your eyes but unable to hide your grin, you slide in. Your thigh brushes against Zayn’s as you sit, the warmth of him seeping through your jeans. He doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t acknowledge it either, his focus seemingly on the drink in his hand.

“Cozy, isn’t it?” Niall teases, smirking as he watches you settle in. Across the table, you catch Louis giving him a knowing look, and it clicks—they planned this.

The first round of drinks arrives, and Lou raises her glass. “To surviving another week of madness!”

“Cheers!” everyone echoes, clinking glasses around the table.

The conversation flows easily, laughter rippling through the group as stories and jokes fly across the table. You’re quick to join in, throwing in quips and teasing remarks that earn loud laughs from Niall, Louis and Harry. Even Liam, always the polite one, leans into the banter, his grin wide as he engages you in a playful back-and-forth about your questionable taste in music.

Zayn, however, is quieter, his comments few and far between. Still, you can’t help but notice the way his gaze lingers on you when he thinks you’re not paying attention.

At one point, Louis launches into a particularly outrageous story about their last tour, leaving you laughing so hard you throw your head back, accidentally bumping into Zayn’s shoulder.

“Sorry!” you say quickly, glancing at him.

“It’s fine,” he murmurs, his voice soft, though there’s a flicker of amusement in his eyes.

“You could at least pretend to have fun,” you tease, leaning toward him slightly.

“I am having fun,” he replies, his tone deadpan.

“Sure you are,” you shoot back, grinning. “You’ve got the brooding loner thing down to an art.”

To your surprise, a quiet chuckle escapes him, and the sound sends a thrill through you. You’ve been waiting to crack him, and now that you’ve gotten even a small laugh, you’re determined to push further.

Across the table, Niall points at the two of you. “Oi, Zayn, d’you know you’re sitting next to the life of the party?”

“Please,” you groan, rolling your eyes. “You’re just jealous.”

“Jealous? Of you?” Harry pipes up with an exaggerated laugh. “Never.”

“She’s not wrong, though,” Liam says with a warm smile. “You’re keeping us all entertained. Even Zayn looks like he’s enjoying himself.”

“Barely,” you quip, nudging Zayn’s knee with yours.

Zayn glances at you, his lips curving into the faintest smirk. “I’m just waiting for you to tire yourself out.”

Louis cackles. “God, you two are like an old married couple.”

Your cheeks flush, but you shrug it off with a grin. “Please, like Zayn could handle me.”

“That’s probably true,” Liam chimes in, smirking. “You’d talk him into the ground.”

Zayn shakes his head, leaning back slightly. His arm stretches along the back of the booth, his fingers brushing your shoulder—a casual gesture that feels anything but.

“I’d survive,” he says quietly, his voice low and laced with something you can’t quite place.

As the night continues, the group’s energy swirls around you, but you’re hyperaware of Zayn. The way his leg stays pressed against yours. The subtle glances he steals when he thinks you’re distracted.

When Harry insists on another round, you volunteer to go with him to the bar. As you slip out of the booth, your leg brushes Zayn’s again. This time, his gaze locks with yours, and for a moment, the rest of the room fades.

“Don’t miss me too much,” you tease, winking as you step away.

Zayn chuckles softly, his voice following you. “No promises.”

At the bar, Harry leans in with a sly grin. “You’re really something, you know that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Zayn,” he says simply, raising a brow. “He’s watching you like a hawk. You’ve got quite the effect on people, sunshine.”

…

The night wears on, and the bar grows louder as the drinks flow freely. You’re halfway through a spirited debate with Louis and Niall about the merits of your favorite movie when you glance around the booth and notice Zayn’s absence.

You scan the bar, your brow furrowing. He’s nowhere to be seen—no cigarette in hand by the doors, no figure tucked into a corner with a drink. It’s unlike him to disappear without a word, and curiosity tugs at you.

“Where’d Zayn go?” you ask Lou, who shrugs.

“Probably went for some air. You know how he gets in places like this.”

That’s all you need to hear. Excusing yourself, you slip out of the booth and weave through the crowd, heading toward the quieter side of the bar. The night air hits you as you step outside, cool and refreshing after the stuffy warmth of the bar.

It doesn’t take long to find him. Zayn’s leaning against the side of the building, a cigarette balanced between his fingers, the soft glow of the embers casting shadows across his face. He looks up when he hears your footsteps, his dark eyes meeting yours.

“Thought you disappeared,” you say lightly, walking over to him.

“Needed a break,” he murmurs, taking a drag from his cigarette.

You lean against the wall beside him, letting the silence settle for a moment. “Big crowds aren’t your thing, huh?”

He exhales smoke into the night air, his gaze distant. “Not really. It’s fine for a while, but… it gets too much, y’know?”

You nod, watching him carefully. “Yeah, I get it. Everyone always expects you to be ‘on.’ It’s exhausting.”

He glances at you, a flicker of surprise in his expression. “You’re always ‘on,’ though. How d’you do it?”

You laugh softly, crossing your arms. “Lots of coffee. And… I guess it’s just how I’ve always been. It’s easier for me to focus on making other people happy. Keeps me from overthinking.”

Zayn studies you for a moment, his cigarette forgotten between his fingers. “Guess we’re opposites, then.”

“Seems that way,” you agree, offering him a small smile. “But opposites attract, right?”

His lips twitch, the ghost of a smile appearing. “So they say.”

The quiet stretches between you again, but it’s not uncomfortable. You glance up at the stars, feeling the weight of his gaze on you.

“Do you ever feel like… I don’t know, like you’re carrying this invisible weight?” he asks suddenly, his voice softer now. “Like no matter what you do, it’s not enough?”

You look at him, surprised by the vulnerability in his tone. “Yeah,” you admit, your voice just as quiet. “All the time. But I try to remind myself that it’s okay not to have it all figured out. It’s okay to just… be.”

Zayn exhales deeply, dropping his cigarette to the ground and crushing it under his heel. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not,” you say gently. “But it helps when you let people in. Even just a little.”

He huffs a soft laugh, shaking his head. “You’re relentless, you know that?”

“Hey, someone’s gotta look out for you,” you tease, bumping your shoulder against his.

For the first time, his smile reaches his eyes. “Thanks,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Anytime,” you reply, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at the moment you’ve shared.

The silence between you stretches, filled with the quiet hum of the night. You can feel Zayn’s presence beside you—steady, grounding. For someone who’s always been so closed off, he’s letting you in, little by little, and it makes your heart ache in a way you can’t explain.

You glance at him, noticing the way his dark lashes cast shadows against his cheeks, the soft curve of his lips as he stares out into the distance. His face is unreadable, but there’s a tension in his posture, like he’s caught between wanting to say something and holding it back.

“Zayn,” you say softly, and his eyes flick to yours, guarded yet curious.

“Yeah?”

You take a breath, your heart beating faster. “I meant what I said before. About your smile. And your laugh. I wish I could see them more because… I like them. I like you.”

For a moment, he just stares at you, his expression unreadable. Then, almost imperceptibly, he leans closer. “You don’t have to say that.”

“I’m not just saying it,” you insist, your voice firm but gentle. “You’re so hard on yourself, Zayn. You don’t see what I see. You’re kind, and talented, and—”

You’re cut off as Zayn closes the space between you, his lips brushing against yours so softly it feels like a question. Your breath catches, but you don’t pull away—instead, you lean into him, answering his unspoken ask.

The kiss is tentative at first, like he’s still testing the waters, but as your hand comes up to rest on his chest, it deepens. His lips are warm, slightly rough from the cigarette, but his touch is careful, reverent. It’s the kind of kiss that makes the world blur at the edges, leaving only the two of you in sharp focus.

When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests lightly against yours. He’s breathing a little heavier, and his eyes search yours, vulnerability etched across his face.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he murmurs, his voice low.

“Regretting it already?” you tease, though your voice is soft, not wanting to break the moment.

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth—more genuine than any you’ve seen from him before. “Not even close,” he says, his thumb brushing against your wrist where your hand still rests on his chest.

For a moment, you stand there, the air between you charged with something you’re both too afraid to name yet. But as his eyes linger on yours, you know this won’t be the last time Zayn lets you in.

“C’mon,” you say eventually, your voice light to mask the way your heart is racing. “Let’s go back before they send out a search party.”

Zayn chuckles softly, and the sound makes you smile. “Alright,” he says, his voice softer now. “But let’s keep this… between us for now.”

“Whatever you say, rockstar,” you reply, nudging him gently before turning toward the bar.

You can feel his gaze on you as you walk, a warmth spreading through your chest. Maybe you haven’t completely cracked Zayn yet, but this—whatever it is—is a start.

…

It’s one of those days when everything is a bit too much. You’re rushing around backstage, trying to get the boys styled for the show while keeping your nerves in check. The usual upbeat energy you carry is nowhere to be found today, replaced by a mounting pressure that makes every little thing feel like a big deal.

As you dash past the dressing room, a tangle of cords trips you up. Your foot catches, and before you can steady yourself, you fall forward, hitting the ground with a sharp thud. For a split second, everything freezes—the hustle of backstage, the noise of the boys and crew—all of it. You’re just sitting there, stunned.

You hear a soft voice break through the silence. “Are you alright?” It’s Zayn, kneeling down beside you before anyone else can even move. He’s the first to reach you, his hands gently helping you sit up.

The other boys are quick to hover, crowding around you with their usual teasing and concern. “You good, love?” Niall asks, a grin on his face, though his eyes are laced with concern.

But it’s Zayn who stays calm, his gaze focused on you in a way that makes the noise around you fade. He can see it. The way your shoulders are tense, the slight tremble in your hands. It’s not just the fall. It’s everything.

“Hey,” Zayn says quietly, brushing a strand of hair from your face, his thumb lightly grazing your cheek. His voice drops lower, just for you, “Come with me.”

Without waiting for anyone’s response, he helps you up and leads you away from the others. You don’t protest, too grateful for the space to let the walls you’ve been holding up start to crumble. He pulls you outside to a quiet spot, away from the chaos of the dressing room.

Once you’re out in the open, Zayn releases your arm but stays close. You can feel the tension from the kiss days ago, still lingering between you, but neither of you has addressed it. It’s there, unspoken. And now, as the weight of the day catches up to you, you realize how much it’s been bothering you.

“I’m fine,” you say, trying to brush it off, but your voice cracks. You’re not fine. You’re anything but fine. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and a part of you just wants to break down.

Zayn doesn’t let you off the hook. He takes a step closer, his eyes searching yours. “You sure? You don’t look fine. I saw that back there… you’re not okay.”

You let out a shaky breath, and before you know it, the floodgates open. The tears you’ve been holding back start to spill over. You can’t stop them, not with everything that’s been building up. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you choke out, your voice thick with emotion. “I’ve been trying so hard to keep everything together. It’s all just too much…”

Zayn is silent for a moment, processing your words. Then, without saying another thing, he steps forward and wraps his arms around you in a hug. It’s warm and firm, like a shield from the world around you.

You don’t know why, but you break, your arms winding around him and letting yourself sink into his embrace. His scent, his presence—it’s all grounding. And for the first time today, you feel safe, like you can just let go.

His voice is soft, barely a whisper. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be strong all the time. We’re all just… figuring things out, yeah?”

You nod against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothing. There’s something about Zayn’s calm, unspoken support that makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to do everything on your own.

He pulls back slightly, his hands still resting on your shoulders as he looks at you with those dark, understanding eyes. “You’ve been running yourself ragged,” he says, voice steady. “You deserve a break.”

You smile weakly up at him, still feeling a little shaky but grateful. “I don’t even know what a break feels like anymore.”

Zayn smiles, but it’s softer than usual. “Maybe it’s time you learned.” He gives you a gentle squeeze before stepping back, though his presence still lingers. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all need help sometimes.”

For the first time in days, you feel a flicker of relief. The weight on your shoulders isn’t gone, but it’s lighter now. Zayn’s not just the quiet guy you’ve been trying to figure out. He’s here for you in a way that feels real, that feels like more than just words.

“Thanks, Zayn,” you murmur, your voice steadying. “I needed that.”

He gives you a small, almost imperceptible nod, his expression softening just a little. “Anytime.”

As you and Zayn make your way back into the dressing room, the cool air from outside still lingers on your skin, but the chaos of the tour quickly rushes back in. You take a deep breath and, as if flipping a switch, slip back into your more familiar bubbly personality. It’s a little quieter now, more subdued than it was before, but it’s still there.

You give Zayn a small smile, though it doesn’t quite reach your eyes the way it usually does. “Thanks again, Zayn,” you say, your voice light but carrying the quiet gratitude you feel.

Zayn just nods, the same unreadable expression on his face. There’s a softness there now, something that wasn’t there before. Something unspoken.

As you re-enter the dressing room, Lou and the boys are all immediately on you, crowding around, but you put on a brave face.

“Everything okay?” Lou asks, her voice gentle, as she takes in the shift in your mood.

“I’m fine, really,” you say, flashing a smile that doesn’t quite hit the mark. “Just a little trip, nothing serious.” You wave off the concern as best as you can, but the boys aren’t having it.

Liam arches an eyebrow, eyeing you with a look that knows something’s up. “You sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something,” he jokes, though his concern is genuine.

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “I’m fine, just… one of those days.” You try to brush it off, but the boys are too perceptive.

“Well,” Niall says, giving you an exaggerated wink, “seems like someone was quick to swoop in and save the day.” His eyes flicker to Zayn, who’s just standing off to the side, arms folded as he watches the interaction with his usual calm demeanor.

Harry laughs and nudges Zayn. “Looks like someone’s got your back, mate.”

You try to ignore the heat creeping up your neck as the teasing starts. You glance at Zayn, his posture casual, but there’s a glimmer in his eye that you’re not sure if you should be worried about.

“Don’t start,” you warn, though the words lack their usual edge. You can feel your heart skip a beat at the thought of what’s been simmering between you and Zayn lately.

But the boys aren’t backing down. Louis grins, shaking his head. “So, is there a special reason Zayn’s the first one to swoop in, or are we just lucky today?”

You roll your eyes, though the smile tugging at your lips betrays the fact that you’re trying to keep it together. “I’m fine, really. Zayn just didn’t want me to look like an idiot in front of all of you,” you say, the banter coming more naturally now, despite the lingering emotions from earlier.

Zayn doesn’t respond right away, but his expression softens just slightly. He glances your way and offers a small, quiet smile—barely noticeable, but it’s there. The others catch it, though, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Is there something going on here?” Liam says with a teasing grin, eyeing the pair of you. He leans in toward Niall, whispering loud enough for everyone to hear. “I think we’ve got some chemistry brewing. Look at them.”

You feel your face heat up again, and you glance at Zayn, who seems unfazed by the attention, but you catch a slight shift in his stance—a subtle tension that’s never been there before.

“Stop it,” you say quickly, trying to deflect, but your tone is a little less forceful than usual. “There’s nothing going on, okay?”

“Right,” Harry says, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he crosses his arms. “Nothing at all. Just a little ‘hero rescue’ moment, is that it?”

The group bursts into laughter, and you can’t help but chuckle along, even though you’re not sure whether you should feel embarrassed or flattered. The teasing doesn’t stop, but there’s something different in the air now. It’s as if everyone’s starting to pick up on the subtle shifts between you and Zayn, the unspoken tension that neither of you has fully addressed.

Zayn stays quiet through it all, his arms crossed as he leans against the wall, his gaze flicking between you and the boys. He doesn’t join in the teasing, but the small smile that tugs at his lips tells you he’s aware of it. He knows what they’re getting at. And maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t mind it so much anymore.

“Alright, alright,” Lou says, laughing at the exchange. “We’ve got a show to get ready for, yeah?”

But as everyone goes back to preparing for the night ahead, you can’t help but notice that the teasing hasn’t really stopped. It’s subtle now, though, more of a knowing glance here and there, a comment made just loud enough for the two of you to hear. It’s like the boys have figured it out—there’s something between you and Zayn, even if it hasn’t been fully acknowledged yet.

…

The dressing room hums with the usual pre-show energy—hairbrushes, makeup palettes, and chatter filling the space. You’re darting between the boys, fixing hair and smoothing stray strands, trying to keep the chaos under control. Lou stepped out a while ago, trusting you to finish up, but you’re starting to think she might have left you to fend for yourself on purpose.

“Nearly done, Harry,” you say, running your fingers through his curls to set the final piece.

“Thanks, love,” he replies, grinning at you in the mirror. Then, with an exaggerated stretch, he stands and grabs his jacket. “Think I’ll grab some water before we head out.”

You glance at him in surprise. “You don’t need a touch-up or anything?”

He waves you off. “I’m flawless, darling. You know that.” He winks, strolling toward the door.

“Subtle, Harry,” Louis mutters as Harry slips out.

“I’m getting coffee,” Louis announces next, his tone far too casual to be convincing. He’s already halfway out the door before you can respond.

Niall follows with a cheeky grin. “Might grab something to eat.”

“Think I’ll check on the stage,” Liam adds, standing and stretching.

Your brow furrows. “All of you, at once?”

None of them answer, though Liam shoots you a knowing smile before disappearing into the hallway.

The door clicks shut, leaving you alone with Zayn. The silence is deafening in their absence. You glance at him in the mirror, catching the way his eyes flicker to yours and linger.

Your heart begins to race, and you turn back to your station, pretending to fuss with a comb. “Guess it’s just us then,” you say, your voice too light to sound casual.

He doesn’t reply at first, but you feel the weight of his gaze. “Yeah,” he finally murmurs.

The tension in the room is thick, the air charged in a way it hasn’t been before. It’s been a week since the kiss at the bar—a week of stolen glances, quiet moments, and a magnetic pull you’ve both been ignoring.

When you finally meet his eyes again, his expression is unreadable, but his lips part as if he’s about to say something.

“Zayn…” You don’t even know what you’re about to say, but the words don’t matter.

He stands, moving toward you slowly, deliberately. “I’ve been thinking about that night,” he says softly.

Your throat tightens. “Me too,” you admit, barely above a whisper.

The distance between you shrinks. His hand brushes yours, his touch light and hesitant, like he’s giving you a chance to pull away. But you don’t. Instead, your breath catches as he tilts his head, his gaze locked on yours.

When his lips finally meet yours, it’s like a spark igniting. His mouth is warm, firm yet gentle, and he tastes faintly of spearmint gum. The kiss starts slow, testing the waters, but when you respond, his hands slide to your waist, pulling you closer.

The world narrows to the two of you—the faint hum of the dressing room lights, the subtle scratch of his stubble against your skin, the way his fingers curl into the fabric of your shirt. Your own hands move instinctively, tangling in his hair, the soft strands slipping through your fingers.

His kiss deepens, more urgent now, and you’re vaguely aware of the counter pressing into your back, grounding you. His lips trail from yours for a moment, brushing the corner of your mouth before returning, and it sends a shiver down your spine.

You lose track of time, the kiss consuming every thought, every sensation—until the door creaks open.

“Seriously?” Louis’s voice cuts through the haze like a bucket of ice water.

You and Zayn break apart so fast you nearly trip over yourself. Your cheeks burn as you turn to see all four boys standing there, grinning like they’ve just won the lottery.

“I knew it!” Niall crows, pointing at the two of you.

Harry smirks, crossing his arms. “Didn’t think you’d actually do it in the dressing room, though. Bold choice.”

“Oh, come on,” Louis says, clearly enjoying himself. “This tension’s been unbearable. You two were practically begging to be caught.”

You groan, covering your face with your hands as your embarrassment bubbles over. Zayn doesn’t move far, though. His hand stays on your waist, steadying you, and when you glance up at him, there’s a flicker of amusement in his expression.

“You all planned this, didn’t you?” you demand, your voice muffled behind your hands.

“Maybe,” Liam says with an innocent shrug, though his grin gives him away.

“Doesn’t matter, though,” Louis says, smirking. “We’re just glad it finally happened.”

You groan again, but as Zayn’s hand lingers on your waist and his thumb brushes a small, comforting circle, you can’t help but feel like the teasing might just be worth it.

The boys are still grinning like a pack of mischievous schoolchildren, their delight at catching you and Zayn mid-makeout entirely too obvious.

“Alright, alright,” Zayn mutters, stepping slightly in front of you as if to shield you from the onslaught of teasing. His voice is low but firm, though the corner of his mouth twitches like he’s trying not to smile. “You’ve had your fun. Leave it.”

“Oh no, mate,” Louis says, leaning casually against the doorframe, arms crossed and smirk firmly in place. “This is gold. We’re not letting this one slide so easily.”

Harry winks at you. “We were wondering how long it’d take for you two to finally crack.”

Your cheeks burn hotter, but you manage to find your voice. “Okay, fine! Yes, we kissed. Happy now?”

Louis arches a brow, his smirk widening. “Kissed? As in, just now, or—” He pauses for effect, dragging it out. “Have there been… other moments we should know about?”

Zayn tenses slightly beside you, and you glance at him. There’s an unspoken question in his eyes, like he’s asking if it’s okay to share. You sigh, deciding there’s no point in hiding it now. “There was… one other time,” you admit, your voice quieter. “At the bar. A week ago.”

The room erupts into laughter and groans of mock disbelief.

“You mean to tell us,” Niall starts, pointing between you and Zayn, “you’ve been sneaking around for a week and didn’t say a word?”

Liam shakes his head, chuckling. “No wonder things have felt so off. The tension was starting to get unbearable.”

“You’re telling me,” Harry says, throwing up his hands. “We’ve all been walking on eggshells thinking something was up. Turns out, it’s this.”

Louis whistles, leaning back against the wall like he’s settling in for a good story. “And here I thought Zayn was the mysterious one. Looks like you’ve both been keeping secrets.”

You groan, rubbing your forehead as the embarrassment bubbles up. “It’s not like that,” you mumble.

“It’s not?” Harry teases, arching a brow. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks very much like that.”

“We haven’t even talked about it yet,” Zayn cuts in, his voice calm but firm. The boys all quiet down slightly at his words, their teasing smirks softening into looks of mild curiosity.

You glance at him, surprised by his honesty but grateful for it. “Yeah,” you add, shifting awkwardly. “We haven’t… figured anything out. It’s just—” You gesture vaguely between the two of you. “We’re still trying to make sense of it.”

Louis raises a brow, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “Trying to make sense of it, huh? Is that what you were doing just now?”

The room fills with laughter again, and you groan, covering your face with your hands.

“Alright, enough,” Zayn says, his tone carrying just enough weight to silence the chaos. “You’ve had your fun. Now give it a rest.”

Louis raises his hands in surrender, though his smirk remains. “Fine. But don’t think this is the last we’ll talk about it.”

With a chorus of knowing chuckles, the boys start to shuffle back into the room, resuming their pre-show routine. As the teasing dies down, you finally allow yourself to breathe, glancing up at Zayn.

“Well, that was mortifying,” you whisper, your voice barely audible above the commotion.

Zayn leans closer, his lips curving into a faint, reassuring smile. “Could’ve been worse,” he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear. “At least they didn’t walk in earlier.”

You laugh despite yourself, and the sound seems to ease some of the lingering tension. His thumb brushes one last circle on your waist before he finally steps away, giving you space.

But as the boys’ playful chatter fills the room again, you can’t help but notice the way Zayn’s gaze lingers on you from across the room—like even in a crowded space, you’re the only one he sees. And judging by the flutter in your chest, you’re starting to feel the exact same way.

…

The next morning the knock at your hotel room door comes just as you’re grabbing your jacket. Startled, you glance at the clock—it’s still early, barely past seven. Pushing down your curiosity, you open the door, and there he is.

Zayn stands in the hallway, his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie, his hair slightly tousled like he’s been running his fingers through it. In his other hand, he’s holding two coffee cups.

“Morning,” he says, his voice soft and a little hesitant.

“Morning.” You blink at him, surprised to see him here, especially so early. “What are you doing here?”

He lifts one of the cups, offering it to you. “Brought you coffee. Figured you might need it before you head out.”

Your chest tightens as you take the cup from him. One sip confirms it—he’s remembered your exact order. The gesture is so small, yet it sends a warmth spreading through you.

“Thanks,” you say, stepping aside. “Do you want to come in?”

He hesitates for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I—yeah.”

You step back, letting him inside. The room is quiet, save for the faint hum of the air conditioning. Zayn looks around briefly before settling on the edge of the chair by the window, his shoulders tense.

You sit on the edge of the bed, cradling your coffee. The silence between you is thick but not uncomfortable, more like it’s brimming with unspoken words.

Zayn exhales, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about this. About us,” he says finally, his voice quiet but steady.

Your heart skips a beat, but you don’t interrupt.

“I’m not good at this,” he admits, his gaze fixed on the floor. “Letting people in. Trusting them. It’s… hard for me. Always has been.” He looks up at you, his eyes raw with honesty. “That’s why I’ve been so stand-offish. It wasn’t because of you. It was me trying to protect myself.”

You swallow, his words cutting straight to your heart. “Zayn…”

“But you,” he continues, his voice softening, “you make it hard to keep those walls up. You’re… sunshine. You light everything up just by walking into a room, and I didn’t know how to handle that at first.”

Your breath catches, your chest tightening at his confession.

“I’m scared,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I don’t want to keep shutting you out. I want to try. Really try. I want to be with you—for real.”

For a moment, you’re too stunned to respond. His vulnerability, his honesty—it’s everything you’ve been waiting for, and it fills you with a kind of warmth you didn’t know you needed.

“You’re scared,” you say finally, your voice gentle. “But you’re still here. That says a lot.”

Zayn’s lips curve into a small, tentative smile. “I guess it does.”

You set your coffee down on the nightstand and stand, moving to sit beside him. “You’re not the only one who’s scared,” you admit. “This isn’t… easy for me either. But I think we balance each other out, you know? You’re the calm when I’m all over the place, and maybe I can be the sunshine when you need it.”

He looks at you, his gaze softening, and you feel your chest tighten again. “I don’t just need it,” he says quietly. “I want it. I want you.”

You smile, reaching out to take his hand. “I want you too.”

The air between you shifts, the tension easing into something softer, sweeter. Zayn leans in, his hand lifting to gently cup your cheek. “You’re my sunshine,” he murmurs before pressing his lips to yours.

The kiss is slow and tender, a promise wrapped in warmth. His hand slides into your hair, holding you close as your lips move together in perfect harmony. The world outside fades away, leaving only the two of you in this moment.

When you finally pull back, your foreheads rest together, your breaths mingling in the quiet.

“Guess that makes this official, huh?” you say softly, a teasing lilt to your voice.

Zayn chuckles, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

And as he pulls you into another kiss, you can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something incredible.

…

Author’s note: I really enjoyed this one! Let me know if you’d like a part 2 or have similar requests💛

[poppyquills]

hello!

i was scrolling through the donna x reader tags and saw your requests were open! could you perhaps write for donna and a reader who's abnormally tall? like maybe some super natural effect or growth defect or something of the sort caused the reader to be like 7'5" or whatever that is in the metric system? (i'm unfortunately from the land of screeching bald eagles and a McDonald's every corner)

anyways, thank you for your time! I enjoy the way you format your writings and all the nice aesthetic of them! have a good day!

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Donna with an abnormally tall! S/O HCs ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

⋆˚✿˖° warnings -> none.

⋆˚✿˖° content includes -> fluff, Donna doesn't find it weird at all, the reason why reader is so tall is up to the reader.

⋆˚✿˖° Donna is quite fascinated by how tall you are and she isn't weirded out by how abnormally tall you are, her 'sister' is also abnormally tall so she has grown used to it.

⋆˚✿˖° She enjoys sewing and tailoring and she would personally make all of your clothes for you. Donna takes special care to adjust the lengths and sizes, ensuring that you’re always comfortable.

⋆˚✿˖° Donna feels safe and secure with you. She is a lord and she can take care of herself perfectly fine but having you by her side and towering over her just brings her a sense of comfort.

⋆˚✿˖° She loves how easily you can reach things for her. Donna sometimes feels bad for calling you over every time she isn't able to reach something but you always assure you don't mind it.

⋆˚✿˖° Donna likes the fact that she could easily hide behind you when you two go into the village—which is very rare itself but it still happens.

⋆˚✿˖° She is a touch starved woman so she likes holding onto you whenever she can. Donna loves holding your hand or letting you hold her, she wouldn't admit it but she loves the size difference between the two of you.

⋆˚✿˖° Angie loves to make jokes about your height. Donna usually lets it pass since it's always in good fun but when she's apart of the joke? Donna gets flustered and embarrassed immediately.

⋆˚✿˖° She herself isn't one to joke around but she would occasionally tease you about your height. She will stop it immediately if it makes you uncomfortable though!

⋆˚✿˖° Donna sometimes catches herself staring at you, getting embarrassed when you point it out. She can’t help but admire you, she also finds your height difference incredibly attractive but she would never admit it to anyone.

⋆˚✿˖° She enjoys quiet moments where you gently lean down to her level, whether it’s to hear her better or to share a soft kiss.

[avatarofthearchives]

My Ranking On: How Good The Magnus Archive Character's Are At Cooking

Gerard - Gerry has no idea what to do in front of a stove. No one has ever taught him to cook, and he doesn't care enough to learn. He lives off microwavable mac and cheese cups and cheap fast food, which is just fine by him regardless of how concerned Gertrude is about his organs.

Daisy - Daisy could make...something with a stove. She just chooses not to because she doesn't like cooking when microwavable meals are right there. Because of how little she cooks her skills are...rusty to say the least. She can make a half-decent grilled cheese though.

Gertrude - Gertrude can and the very rare occasion does make small meals like scrambled eggs. However, much like Gerard and Daisy, she prefers fast food and easy to make meals. In theory she could make a decent large meal if she had a recipe and some spare time to make mistakes, but in practice she never cooks.

John - John can and does make small meals. He's never really liked cooking, but he does sometimes make a small plate of stir-fry or something. All things considered, his food's pretty decent. It's just not great because he rushes through the cooking process to get back to whatever he was doing. But, I mean, it's edible.

Melina - Melina is a big "make a sandwich or throw some pasta on the stove and call it night" type of girl. She could make a good meal if she had a recipe, but cooking's never really been her thing enough for her to put a ton of effort into the craft. However, if Georgie asked her to make her something you can bet that she could make a five star meal.

Basira - Basira cooks most nights and her food is consistently good. Daisy is over at her house a lot in the evenings hoping to get a meal and eat together.

Martin - Martin cooks almost every night. It's one of his hobbies and he knows well what type of foods pair best with what after his research into what foods pair best with tea spiraled a bit. He can make a REALLY good comfort dish.

Elias - Elias cooks most night, and with all his years of being alive, that means he's a pretty skilled in the art of making food. He either makes a full five star meal with an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert, or microwaves ramen noodles. There's no middle ground.

Peter - Cooking is one of those hobbies that is significantly more enjoyable in solitude, so of course he loves it. He cooks multiple times nearly every day as it's something for him to do that doesn't involve other people. No one will ever taste his food, but man is it good.

Sasha - Sasha is a fantastic cook. She's the CEO of finding a recipe online and then making it his own. She's literally never made a bad dish in her entire life and she does brag to John about her ability not to burn things.

Tim - Tim is great at cooking on an instinctual level. He doesn't even need to have a recipe to make a five star meal that will change the trajectory of his friends taste buds forever. It's a gift...and a curse given how much the people around him hope he'll bring food to every gathering.

[bunji-enthusiast]

𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧; 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞.

Sypnosis [Despite the rising evidence of the day, he certainly wasn’t having it with you. In a tangled mess of limbs, the warmth was too good to give up.]

Character [Lancelot]

Note || ngl, sometimes a fella just wants to cuddle.

The light of dawn crept gently into the room, casting soft rays that painted the floor with golden streaks. The sunlight, though soothing, seemed almost intrusive in its attempt to stir the warmth of the morning. Yet, in the tangled mass of sheets and blankets, Lancelot remained untouched by the world outside. His chest rose and fell in rhythmic breaths, the calmness of sleep enveloping him as though the very bed had claimed him as its own.

You, however, were far less content to stay wrapped up in such indulgent warmth. The responsibilities of the day, the endless tasks awaiting, and the thought of facing the rising sun with all its demands made you restless. With a soft sigh, you shifted in the bed, moving toward the edge, attempting to untangle yourself from Lancelot's embrace.

His arms, however, were swift to tighten.

"Where do you think you're going?" His voice was muffled by the pillow, still thick with sleep but laced with an underlying possessiveness that made your heart flutter despite your intentions to leave.

You glanced over your shoulder at him, meeting the soft, barely open slits of his magenta eyes. There was a playful glint there, but beneath it, something more serious. Lancelot, despite his usual composure, was not one to let go easily—especially when he didn’t feel like it.

"I have to get up," you protested softly, trying to sit up, only to find his grip tightening around your waist.

He grunted, a half-sarcastic, half-genuine sound, pulling you back down into the soft warmth of his body. "No, you don't," he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. "You’re staying here with me."

"But the day is already starting," you insisted, though your voice faltered under the weight of his affection. "I can't just lie here all day."

"Why not?" Lancelot's hand shifted to rest gently at the back of your neck, drawing you closer. His lips brushed against your ear in a soft, almost teasing manner. "The world can wait. Just for a little longer."

You could feel the sincerity in his words, that rare vulnerability he allowed only in moments like these. Lancelot, the prince of Benwick, the one who fought without hesitation, who bore the weight of so many things on his shoulders, could be so... tender in the quietest moments. He wanted this. Just this.

The thought stirred a gentle warmth in your chest. You hesitated, caught between your sense of duty and the quiet invitation to remain in this cocoon of stillness with him.

He tightened his grip again, not painfully, but enough to make his intention clear. There was no forcing him to let go, no convincing him otherwise. Lancelot was rarely this relaxed, rarely this content, and you would not be the one to disrupt it.

With a soft sigh, you settled back against him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. His fingers tangled in your hair, gently caressing the strands, a soothing, almost hypnotic gesture that made your earlier worries seem distant and insignificant.

"You're too stubborn," you whispered, giving in to the overwhelming sense of peace that settled over you.

He hummed, a sound of contentment and quiet amusement, and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. "And you’re too easy," he teased, though there was no malice in his words. "You always say you have things to do, but you never really want to leave. You’re just like me."

You smiled, a soft laugh escaping you at his words. Maybe he was right. Maybe you, too, had a tendency to hold onto moments like these, to savor the rare tranquility he offered. The weight of his presence, his warmth, the quiet pressure of his grip—it was all enough to make the world outside seem far away.

Lancelot’s voice broke the silence once more, soft and laden with sleep. "It’s nice, isn’t it?" His hand brushed down your arm, the movement slow and gentle, as if he were trying to anchor you in this moment.

You nodded, letting your eyes close once more, the rising sun now forgotten as the minutes slipped by, each one a little longer than the last. Lancelot’s breathing was steady, a lullaby in its own right, and despite the day’s demands, the world outside didn’t seem as urgent now.

The hours would pass eventually, and you both would rise, but for now, in the soft glow of morning, there was only this. Only the warmth of him, and the quiet, contented stillness of a moment shared between the two of you.

And for a brief moment, you allowed yourself to simply be, surrendering to the comfort of the embrace that held you, to the love that thrummed quietly between you, and to the peacefulness that only Lancelot could offer in those rare moments of calm.

And you stayed.

[willgrahamscock]

a niche ship had me deleting all my filters on ao3 and just raw dogging it in there. discovered that I’m even more of a freak than I previously believed and also that sometimes you gotta give that tag you hate a try

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

just finished el mundo gira and i thought it was like. comically bad. sorry to any el mundo gira stans, but tomorrow's writeup will have some hater energy.

[s4pphoiduser]

maybe a little corny but idrc i guess. so: maybe i'm just getting older or maybe my age/aging is totally unrelated to all this but i find that these days, now that i've grown out of being an angsty teen looking for anger and hate in every corner of the world, i find that now i am more struck by kindness, especially in fictional worlds that are harsh and demand a character let go of their kindness and inherent goodness to survive and never be taken advantage of or things like that. i like when characters are so kind that it's truly truly one of their core traits. i know it's not exactly rare, but these days... kinda feels like it. i'm always struck by characters who fight to be good and kind and still believe in fickle things like love and other people. characters whose kindness make others wary of them and draw them closer simultaneously. characters whose goodness and insanely strong (fought-for) sense of love and humanity (and i don't mean humanity like humankind as a whole; i mean a person's sense of humanity, i mean people. i mean people need people. i mean people need closeness and love and things that like that) makes others around them more likable and ... human. characters whose kindness/goodness/big big big hearts humanize everyone who gets the chance to be basked in the glow of that beauty.

[dallonwrites]

anyway i do think something that's helped me is not only to not see my first drafts as "bad" because it's pure baby writing, or seeing them as messy/unrefined, but also to focus on what my biggest strength is at that first stage of writing something and how can i use that to propel the draft forward? so like i think my prose is usually very good at the first draft, usually my prose edits is just condensing things or deepening an image etc. but i love playing with language so it's the easiest way for me to access a draft for the first time. when there's no story on the page my brain understands language and prose best before anything else. but i need more edits for things like structure and pacing and length and hitting the right beats at the right time. which is all like, normal stuff you work on with edits, literally working on every aspect of a story through multiple drafts is So Normal, so instead of thinking about all that and what is missing from a first draft i just focus on what is there for me bc i think whatever you find the easiest at the first draft stage is what shapes + propels ur writing process overall. which is something that is soooo personal because everyone has their own strengths and struggles at different parts of the process !